After being married for about a year, my husband and I decided it was time to start our family. Just a few months later I was thrilled when my home pregnancy test came back positive! I immediately looked up everything I could find online about pregnancy and started perusing baby books at the stores. I fell in love with the little life growing within me.
But a few weeks into the pregnancy I had a miscarriage. I was devastated. My husband held me as I cried. The pregnancy email updates I forgot to cancel broke my heart. There was no more pregnancy! My friends tried to comfort me but did not know how to help. Even without giving birth I truly felt the loss of my child. The depression that set in was unbearable. What if I never became a mother?
Weeks passed and I struggled to overcome the emotional pain I felt. My mind recalled a time in college when I battled adversity. A wise friend had given me a hug and told me there was nothing better she could do than to leave me alone with my Savior. And with that she left me alone in the room. I prayed fervently and received profound strength.
Once again I desperately needed the comfort that comes only through the Spirit of God. I yearned to be alone with my Savior and feel His strength. Yet I hesitated. How could God or Jesus—both men—understand what a miscarriage felt like? How could they truly feel what I was feeling?
I posed that question to my Father in Heaven in a silent prayer. I continued in pouring out my heart full of sorrow. I pleaded for strength I did not know where to gain. And as I prayed, the thought came to me that of all people, our Father knows what it is like to lose a child. At least one-third part of His creations will not make it back. And beyond that deep pain He must feel for those that choose another way, I felt the Holy Ghost witness to my spirit that I was not alone in my pain. I came to know that in some way I cannot understand at this time, Jesus felt my pain. He knew what it was like for me to have a miscarriage. He knew what I was feeling exactly, and he could take that burden and make it light.
It took some more time but with the strength of the Lord I was able to endure that trial and continue toward happiness. A year later I was blessed with a baby girl. I now have two beautiful children. I know not everyone has such a happy ending and I am grateful every day for my Savior and his redeeming love.
"Cami is a happy military wife and mother to two sweet girls, ages one (today!) and nearly 3. She has lived in Texas, Utah, and California twice each. She enjoys taking her kids on daily outings and believes every lunch and dinner should end with chocolate."