Finding Joy in the Journey – Now.

*Originally published on Nov. 8, 2008, republished on Pearls with permission.
 
A couple days ago I read over the 4 talks President Monson gave at the most recent LDS General Conference and wrote down his words of counsel. One of his talks was about "finding joy in the journey--now" and not letting our lives pass us by without appreciating what we have. He said, "With gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days--as much as we can--with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed."

I have found myself getting frustrated with Sydney for somehow getting in my way when I want to do something. I don't like feeling that way, and I am trying to replace those feelings with gratitude and remember that she needs me to love and care for her more than I need to run an errand or take a shower or even sleep. She is a wonderful baby, and I have no reason to get frustrated with her.

I also am taking to heart the counsel of one of my home teachers. He said to always expect your child to have sleep problems and then you won't be surprised and worried when she wakes during the night. Sydney has actually had WONDERFUL sleep habits, but every night I remember that thought and expect her to wake up. When she doesn't, I am well pleased, and if she does, I want to be okay with it.

So this morning at 4:30am when I heard Sydney struggling to sleep, I got her from her crib and snuggled with her in the glider chair. It was one of the sweetest moments I've had with her. I was tired but not at all frustrated. She was just cold and in need of a little lovin'. As we rocked in the darkness I said a prayer in my mind, thanking my Heavenly Father for my beautiful baby girl and telling him how glad I am that I am her mother and know what she needs and can soothe her cries. I love her so much. She was asleep well before I put her back in her crib, but I was just appreciating the Prophet's words of finding joy in my life now.

Remembering that taking care of Sydney is what the Lord wants of me right now really helps me every day. Thinking of it as my job makes it sound menial and rough. I try to cherish the time I have with her and enjoy how she makes me feel. I spend some time every day looking in her eyes and playing with her hands and making her laugh. I don't need to read a book every time I feed her a bottle. I can just feed her and love her.
It has taken me longer than I expected to feel so enamored with motherhood as I now feel, but I am so glad to have arrived here. I know it will not always be so blissful, but I will work on keeping the proper perspective.

 Cami is a happy military wife and mother to two sweet girls, ages one (today!) and nearly 3. She has lived in Texas, Utah, and California twice each. She enjoys taking her kids on daily outings and believes every lunch and dinner should end with chocolate.

The Lord's Timing

After being married for about a year, my husband and I decided it was time to start our family. Just a few months later I was thrilled when my home pregnancy test came back positive! I immediately looked up everything I could find online about pregnancy and started perusing baby books at the stores. I fell in love with the little life growing within me.

But a few weeks into the pregnancy I had a miscarriage. I was devastated. My husband held me as I cried. The pregnancy email updates I forgot to cancel broke my heart. There was no more pregnancy! My friends tried to comfort me but did not know how to help. Even without giving birth I truly felt the loss of my child. The depression that set in was unbearable. What if I never became a mother?

Weeks passed and I struggled to overcome the emotional pain I felt. My mind recalled a time in college when I battled adversity. A wise friend had given me a hug and told me there was nothing better she could do than to leave me alone with my Savior. And with that she left me alone in the room. I prayed fervently and received profound strength.

Once again I desperately needed the comfort that comes only through the Spirit of God. I yearned to be alone with my Savior and feel His strength. Yet I hesitated. How could God or Jesus—both men—understand what a miscarriage felt like? How could they truly feel what I was feeling?

I posed that question to my Father in Heaven in a silent prayer. I continued in pouring out my heart full of sorrow. I pleaded for strength I did not know where to gain. And as I prayed, the thought came to me that of all people, our Father knows what it is like to lose a child. At least one-third part of His creations will not make it back. And beyond that deep pain He must feel for those that choose another way, I felt the Holy Ghost witness to my spirit that I was not alone in my pain. I came to know that in some way I cannot understand at this time, Jesus felt my pain. He knew what it was like for me to have a miscarriage. He knew what I was feeling exactly, and he could take that burden and make it light.

It took some more time but with the strength of the Lord I was able to endure that trial and continue toward happiness. A year later I was blessed with a baby girl. I now have two beautiful children. I know not everyone has such a happy ending and I am grateful every day for my Savior and his redeeming love.

"Cami is a happy military wife and mother to two sweet girls, ages one (today!) and nearly 3. She has lived in Texas, Utah, and California twice each. She enjoys taking her kids on daily outings and believes every lunch and dinner should end with chocolate."