Safety and Peace

When I found out my husband would be deploying for a third time, I was devastated.

We had only been married 8 months. He had just gotten back from a deployment to Iraq 9 months earlier. It didn’t help that we just found out I was pregnant. I felt angry. How could Heavenly Father do this to us? I know it is my husband’s job to deploy, but I just wasn’t ready for it so soon. I felt fearful for my husband’s safety. All I could think about was what if he gets hurt? What if he gets killed? It was all I could think about 6 months before he deployed. I remember many sleepless nights trying to get horrible images of him dying out of my head.

Two weeks before he deployed we went to his parents’ house. His father asked if he wanted a blessing. The blessing specifically told my husband that if he lived the gospel, he would be able to preserve his life and the life of his men. This was an answer to my prayers.

After the blessing I was able to relax. I knew that everything was going to be ok. My husband would come home safe. My mother in law recorded the blessing and printed out copies for me and my husband. I look at the blessing at least once a month.

I have the wonderful gift of feeling at peace when my husband is in a war zone. I remember one time when my husband’s unit was on a blackout (A blackout is when someone gets wounded or killed and the army shuts down all forms of communication). I hadn’t talked to my husband in over a week. This was very abnormal. Even though I felt sad that I wasn’t able to talk to him, I felt comfort in knowing he was safe.

I feel very blessed that Heavenly Father gave my husband such an amazing promise. I know that my husband will be safe until he comes home. I feel so blessed to have the priesthood in my life. I am so grateful for fathers blessing. I know they come from Heavenly Father. He loves each and every one of us.

Katherine is a stay at home mom to an adorable 6 month old. She loves being a mom. She is currently going back to school to become a radiology technician. She has been married to her husband for two years. Her husband gets home from his third deployment in less then a month.

Running On Empty

When I was in college, me and a coupe of friends decided to drive from our home in California out to Utah for general conference.

The drive was going perfectly for a while. We were dancing to N'Sync, singing and talking all about how great it would be to attend conference in person. When we reached Vegas, we still had plenty of gas and decided to try and reach St. George, UT before refilling our tank. Let's just say that we severely underestimated how far it was to get from point A to point B. In the middle of the desert, we passed a gas station, but the gas was so expensive and we still thought that we could make it to the next big town.

As we got closer to St. George, the car started protesting as it was in desperate need for fuel. My friend suggested that we say a prayer to make it safely to the next town for gas. The car was starting to putter to a stop when we spotted a gas station in the distance. We ended up coasting into the station as the tank was absolutely empty. As we pulled into the station, scared and grateful at the same time, my friend noticed that the gas at this station was about a dollar cheaper than the gas out in the desert. Having a great sense of humor, my friend stated "I think that Heavenly Father just wanted us to save on gas money, so he got us here!"

I was so grateful that we were able to fill our tank and make it to conference in time. I also learned not to procrastinate the next time we needed fuel. I know that this is such a small experience, but it really helped to build my faith in Heavenly Father and to know that he was mindful of me.

Carli

Heeding the Call to be Self Reliant

image source

We have been prompted by several generations of Prophets to be prepared, provident, frugal, hard working and self reliant. With each General Conference session, the same pleadings from our General Authorities are heard.

As Latter-day Saint woman, particularly those of us who are mothers, we have a sacred responsibility to teach our children and create a sanctuary in our homes. The home should be a place of refuge, peace, comfort and security from the trials of the outside world. The home is where the foundation of faith is laid. We have been given principles and teachings that, if used in our homes, can provide some protection from the spiritual attacks that we encounter each and every day. Our physical welfare is equally important to our Heavenly Father. He has provided temporal council, like the Word of Wisdom, to protect us from some of the physical challenges of this world.

So why is it that the simple council to be self reliant is so often disregarded? Perhaps the answer lies in the fact that for all of these years we have not experienced the types of trials that we expect would cause need for real preparation. Our country seems to be blessed with food. Our economy, although weakening, still supports jobs and our optimistic attitude keeps us hoping that “all is well.”

Unfortunately, all is not well. Our homes, our communities, our states, our country and our world is facing moral, social, and economic challenges at a magnitude that has probably never been experienced before. The Constitution of our country hangs by a thread and governments of many other countries are near collapse. There are wars, rumors of wars, famines, floods, earthquakes, tsunamis and pestilence. If we believe that our Heavenly Father is a kind and merciful God, then we must believe that he would guide us through-not prevent us from- our greatest trials. We must believe that he has a plan. But most important we must be willing to follow the council of His Prophets. We may not know the reason why the Lord continually urges the Saints to be self reliant. We may not know when we will need to use all that we have prepared, but we must never doubt that the Lord knows. There will be a reason, a time and a need. The Lord would never waste your time or your money. Have faith that, in the Lord’s time, all things will come to pass, the good and the bad. May we each have the faith to do the work He has asked of us in preparing our homes and our children to be self reliant.


Kai is the mother of 3 beautiful children. She is a flight attendant and an Independent Consultant with Shelf Reliance. Learn more about ways to be self reliant on her blog, Shelf Reliant Living.

The Need to Work When Your Heart Says 'Home'

image source

Working. Mom. The two are just about synonymous to me. Show me a mom that doesn’t work and I’ll show you how I can glow in the dark. Now if you’re meaning a woman who is a mom AND an employee at the same time, we can talk. I’ve recently entered that realm, myself.

My entire life my plan was to be a stay-at-home mom. Sure I would dream of being a veterinarian, a disc jockey or a storm chaser for a while – but I knew my career would be motherhood, and it was never a question. The path wasn’t smooth, but I made it; a divorce, second marriage, two miscarriages, and nearly two and a half years of trying to conceive and I finally become a mother just a few short weeks before my 26^th birthday (I always figured I’d be about on my third kid by that age). So really, I shouldn’t have been surprised when I found myself needing to go back to work full-time, right?

Wrong.

Dead wrong.

If you had told me two or three months ago that I would soon be working full-time, I would have told you to take a hike. I would have told you I would live under a bridge before leaving my baby. I would have told you I would never do it – no way, no how! And I would have been wrong.

My husband lost his job at the beginning of February, and a month later with no leads I was calling up my good friend, Mike, who is also a recruiting manager for my previous employer. I left on good terms with the company, having gone on maternity leave and then discontinuing my employment to stay home with my baby (forever, I’d hoped). Mike told me there was a part-time job available from 8:00 pm to 12:00 am and I could have it if I wanted. Luke and I spoke about it and decided it would be a good move: a little extra money coming in and very little time away from Porter. I decided that it would be really tough, but I could do it.

I transitioned easily back to the company. In a way it felt like leaving my regular home to spend some time at my second home. I could do this. I desperately missed putting Porter to bed at night, but I could manage. I still had the whole day with him.

A few weeks later, I started feeling like it would be prudent for our family to have benefits, as our medical coverage from Luke’s former employer ran out at the end of February, and we went through March on prayers that no one would get sick. I then embarked on a hesitant journey of exploring the option of working full-time. I couldn’t believe I was considering it. I second-guessed myself constantly. Were the benefits and extra pay worth the time away from my child? Was I being selfish in wanting that little bit of security for my family?

I considered a graveyard position, working 2:00 am to 10:00 am, thinking somehow I could be Superwoman and work full-time in the middle of the night and then come home and be an effective mother. After a lot of thought, prayer, and scratching out Pros vs. Cons lists, I realized Zombie Mom was not what my son needed.

Our bishop came by our house one evening to let Luke borrow his Bobcat to move some gravel. Bishop and I chatted on the front porch and I had told him of the graveyard shift I was considering. He told me (with the disclaimer that he was advising me not as a church leader, but just his personal opinion) that if he were in my place, he would try to find a normal day job with normal day hours and find a babysitter for Porter. At first, I was shocked – haven’t we been counseled that mothers are primarily responsible for the care and nurturing of their children? How could I be the primary caretaker if I was gone all day, five days a week? My heart hurt and mind raced, but what he said next made sense. He told me that my most important relationship was with my husband. If I was working odd hours, we would essentially become ships that pass in the night, and ships aren’t known for their excellent marriages. Bishop told me that if I could have a good relationship with my husband, things would be okay; if my relationship with him deteriorated, the rest of our family would follow.

I got back in touch with Mike, but of course by this point all of the normal, daytime positions were filled. Slightly exasperated, I said, “Mike! They just need to create an assistant position for you and then you need to interview me for it!” With a smile he replied, “Funny you should say that…”

As it turned out, he had just received approval that day from his boss to create a part-time position that would assist him in his hiring responsibilities. Of course I thought this was great, but I expressed to him that the main reason I was considering transferring from my night shift to a daytime position with the company was to have benefits for my family. The next day, he came back and let me know he could offer it to me full-time, after all.

I still didn’t jump at it. I had wanted to work with Mike just about from the time I first started with the company in the fall of 2008. It was more money per hour and the company had excellent benefits – but could I leave my child? Was I pursuing something out of self-interest? Was I looking for a way to escape the everyday mundane tasks of being a stay-at-home mom? Was I looking for a distraction from the stress at home related to job loss and financial upset? Would Porter hate me forever for leaving him? Would God hate me forever for leaving my son?

I accepted the offer, but still felt slightly unsure. I put up two pictures of Porter at my desk and set a photo of him as the wallpaper on the brand new shiny laptop the company gave me. I left my heart at home each morning when I walked out the door.

It has only been a month, but I am grateful I don’t question myself anymore. I am grateful for the most incredible, sensitive boss I could ever hope to be blessed with. I am grateful for the flexibility this full-time position has offered me. Need to work from home for a few hours because I can’t find a sitter for Porter? No problem. Need to take a few hours off because I need some Mommy time with my best little bud? Take it.

I am also grateful that the Lord prepared me for this difficult decision – one, He knew I would have been too dead set against even a couple of months ago to consider. He helped me transition to a part-time job, and then helped me transition from there to what I had always considered the unthinkable: being a full-time employee and mother.

The key for me has been to realize that I am not the first woman to have to leave her child or children to go to work; nor will I be the last. My own grandmother became a widow when she was 28 years old and was left to raise three young children on her own. Life is hard, and the sooner I get over being offended by that, the more effective I can be. I am a woman. I am a daughter of God who loves and provides for me. I can do this. I can do anything.

It’s hard. Every day it is hard and I am exhausted. This change came at the right time, though. I have just finished nursing Porter for good, so I did not have to give anything up abruptly. I get to put him to bed again at night. I have a few precious hours in the evenings to enjoy his eight-tooth grin and laugh when he speaks his own version of “please” and “thank you”. I know these small things are tender mercies. I still leave my heart at home every day, but my mind is so occupied with my rewarding, busy job that I am left with little time to think of where I’m not. When I am home, though, my time there is very sweet. And best of all, I know my little boy still loves me.



 
Adrienne is the stepmom of 10 year old Austin, the regular mom of 1 year old Porter, and the BFF of Lucas since 2005. She is from Virginia but is currently enjoying life in Provo, Utah. She loves writing, singing, playing video games and making others laugh.

The Traveling Husband

image source

Ever since my husband first started working, he’s had to travel for a week or two at a time at least every month, sometimes more. It has been a challenge for us as a couple and as a family. Most of the time we haven’t lived near extended family members, so we have had to learn to rely on each other and the Lord.

For a long time I found myself feeling like I was “getting through” the times he was out of town. When I really sat down and calculated the time that we were apart, I realized I didn’t want to spend that amount of my life just “getting through”. I wanted to enjoy my blessings and family, and live life to its fullest. Over the years, we’ve figured out how to make this time in our lives enjoyable, to look at the positive side, and to be grateful for the time we have together as a family. Here are some things that have helped us (and me!) find the joy in this part of our journey.

-Use Technology: We bought a webcam for my computer and my husband’s laptop. This enables us to gather around the computer almost every night my husband is gone and talk as a family. We’ve had family home evenings this way; the kids can show their Dad a school assignment or a new dance move they learned; he can tell them their bedtime story. Even our baby starts smiling and reaching for the screen when she sees her Daddy. This small investment has really been a great way to feel more in touch.

-My Mom (who faced this same situation many times as a young mother) told me to treat myself during these long weeks. She said it was cheaper than a shrink, and I think she’s right. I don’t try to expect too much out of myself during these weeks. The house isn’t always spotless (not that it is when my husband’s home!) We will sometimes eat out, have an easy dinner at home (my kids will tell you that they’ve even eaten cold cereal for dinner, but I will deny this), or go get a treat together. I rent chick-flicks to watch after the kids go to bed. This is fun for me, and I know my husband doesn’t miss seeing those at all! I will start fun projects: once, when my husband left for China, our family room wall was white; when he came home it was red (ok, maybe it was actually a scary salmon pink color, but eventually it ended up red).

-During the summer, I’ve planned weeks of fun with the kids where we visit museums, the zoo, and the pool. Then we pick their favorite thing we did to do with Dad when he returns.

-Carry on traditions: I still try and hold family home evening, family prayer, and family scripture study, as well as any other routines we have when Dad is home. They aren’t fancy, or long, but the kids seem to do the best with their routines and they know what to expect no matter who is home.

-Safety: My husband has set up rules for himself as he travels, to help him avoid temptations. He doesn’t turn the tv on after certain hours and is careful to pick only channels he knows aren’t going to have anything indecent on. He doesn’t turn the tv on at all in foreign countries. He takes his scriptures to read, keeps busy working, exercising, and trying to eat healthy. This helps us trust each other when we are apart.

I’m grateful for a husband who works hard for our family, and for the fact that he has a good job, even if it means time apart. For the time being I know we can work together to make this an opportunity to grow together as a family and couple, and start enjoying the journey of our life together.

I also found these articles in the Ensign really helpful:
Business Travelers: Return With Honor
Road Warriors
 



Melissa is a stay at home Mom with 4 kids that keep her happily busy. She is in the process of moving her family from Utah to Colorado. She loves photography, dancing, and all things messy and fun with her kids.

I’ll Forever Be Grateful I “Hearkened”

Since the birth of my baby I would nurse her at night in bed. One night last week I had fallen asleep while feeding her and was in a deep sleep. I was dreaming and remember smelling the sweetest smell I have ever known.  And in a split second that sweet smell was changed to a burning smell. Almost as if someone was holding smelling salts to my nose. It abruptly woke me out of my sleep and I noticed I was smothering my baby and her arm was under me so she couldn't move. I panicked and picked her up and started moving her around to make sure she was breathing. She moved and awoke. Then I knew she was okay. I burst into tears with the guilt of what I could have done within just minutes or even seconds. I know without a doubt it was the Holy Ghost working his wonders to wake me to protect my infant.
I was so shaken I went to the living room to rock my baby and I just sobbed.

While sitting there I said a thankful pray in my heart to my Heavenly Father for the Holy Ghost and the wondrous ways He works. As I sat there, I remembered the talk I had just listened to during General Conference that previous Sunday by Dieter F. Uchtdorf. This quote stood out in my mind. "Let us learn to hearken to the promptings of the Spirit and then be eager to heed them."

It is estimated that an average of 64 babies under two years old die each year while sleeping with parents. Since that night I get out of bed to nurse my baby. Us busy mom's especially with more than one child do all we can to get sleep. But this experience taught me sleep is not worth the risk of my baby's life. I will always be thankful I was able to hearken and heed to the Spirit’s command.




Melissa is a mother of six, with only one son, ages 17 to 4 months old. She grew up in Roy UT and moved to Eagle Mountain when she married her sweet husband 4 years ago. She enjoys doing crafts of any kind and photography. She currently does not hold a calling in her ward but gives service any time she can.

Simple Promptings

Do you ever have those experiences? Those ones that make you pause and wonder how many promptings you really do receive during the day?  And how many you actually listen to? And how many you do listen to that you might never even realize that you were inspired?

Well, I’d like to share a special one that happened to me. A few years ago, when my first baby was about 5 months old, it was a regular ol’ Sunday and we were in a rush to get to early morning church. You know, 9 o’clock can be rough, right?

This particular day, my husband had to give a talk, and I had to participate in a musical number with the primary. We both wanted to be there a little early to feel prepared, so we were getting ready as fast as we could. At the church, I stopped in the primary room to practice my song, and my husband ran to sit on the stand before the meeting started. My song practice was over just as sacrament meeting was about to begin. I hurried into the chapel and suddenly realized that I had not arranged for someone to take care of my baby while I went up for the musical number. I supposed I could give him to my husband, who would be sitting on the stand, but I was worried about him being fussy.

I quickly spotted a young couple sitting on a side row. An empty bench was open in front of them, so I hurried and sat down. They did not have any children, and we were only acquaintances, but I felt like I could ask her to hold my baby.  I turned around and whispered of my favor to her just as the meeting started. She responded with, "I'd love to."

As the meeting progressed, I noticed that her husband's arm was around her and she was crying. I felt bad. She seemed to be sad. Maybe she wasn’t feeling well or maybe she was having a bad day. I wondered about my request and if it was appropriate, but I felt like everything would be okay.

The time for the musical number came and she reached out for my baby. She and her husband played and laughed with him throughout the song as he smiled up at them. I watched as I was singing. When I returned to my seat, they continued to hold him, cuddle him, and play until it was time for him to eat. She had a big smile on her face when she handed him back. 

I then went to the Mothers’ Lounge for the rest of Sacrament meeting, so I did not see her immediately afterwards to officially thank her for her help. Finally, after the block was over, I ran into her and was able to thank her for holding him during Sacrament meeting.

She told me, with tears brimming in her eyes, that she was very grateful that I had asked her. She said that she had been struggling with fertility issues for a couple of years and how she longed to be a Mother. She just started working with a fertility specialist, and without going into details, explained that they were now hopeful about getting pregnant. Things were going well, and all signs were pointing toward success with this last go-around. They were pretty sure that she had been able to become pregnant.

The doctor told her that if she was pregnant, that a pregnancy test this very morning would be able to tell her if she really was.  So she took the test before church, and sadly received a negative result that shattered their hopes. To make things worse, it was Mother’s Day. She said she was extremely emotional and almost did not come to church. She had a strong feeling though, that something would happen to let her know that God loved her and was mindful of her sorrow.

She then told me that holding my baby was exactly what she needed and was the comfort that the Lord provided to her. How grateful she was that I had asked her for that simple favor. It filled her heart with love and peace and she knew that the Lord would provide a child when the time was right. We both hugged and cried. I was amazed and grateful that something so simple was actually a prompting.  It was such a neat experience and such a tender mercy for the both of us to realize how much the Lord loves us and is mindful of us. I’m grateful for a loving Father in Heaven and for His trust in me that day.  I’m so grateful for the power of the Holy Ghost. I was so humbled at what I learned from this sweet sister and her faith in receiving an answer and her faith in God's love. I felt like I too, was blessed from this experience.



Natalie is a wife of a handsome farmer, a mother to two adorable boys, and expecting another baby in September. She is passionate about the roles of women and is currently living her dream job as a Doula - www.doulanataliesue.yolasite.com. In her spare time, she attends births (humans, cows, and cats), teaches dance in her small town, and loves to sing.

You Know Better Than I-Part 3

Note: This is part 3 of a 3 part story. Find part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE.

A quote from President James E. Faust helped us to realize that there was a purpose in us going through the loss of that baby. We were strengthened more than we ever could have been if we hadn’t experienced it.

“Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful. The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner's fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such refining is part of the perfection process.”

“Out of the refiner's fire can come a glorious deliverance. It can be a noble and lasting rebirth. The price to become acquainted with God will have been paid. There can come a sacred peace. There will be a reawakening of dormant, inner resources. A comfortable cloak of righteousness will be drawn around us to protect us and to keep us warm spiritually. Self-pity will vanish as our blessings are counted.”

It’s been just over a year, and I won’t lie…the year of “firsts” was probably the worst to go through. Knowing that soon she would be rolling over, sitting up, crawling and walking; wondering how she was doing, what her smile looked like and if she had gotten any more hair; thinking at every family get together (especially Christmas ‘09) that she should have been celebrating with us. Watching as my four siblings each delivered baby girls within the year, and thinking that we should have been first. But, with time, your heart does start to heal.

A few months ago I received a text from N wondering how we were doing. After texting back and forth for a little bit I asked if she would send me a photo of P because I wanted to see what she looked like now (she was 8 and half months at the time). I was sad, my heart hurt…but that is when I also realized I had started to heal. I could look at her photo and while my heart ached to be with her, I knew that she was where she belonged. I could start looking forward to the day when we would bring our own baby home and maybe, someday, our baby and P could meet. We have a good relationship with N still. It’s not a talk everyday or even every month sort of deal, but we love her and sometime down the road, when we feel that the healing is greater we will meet up with her and P for lunch and just hang out. That little girl may just never realize how many lives she has affected or how loved she really is.

Love is not a bad thing, and the more a child is loved, even from unexpected places like a family who has no relation to her at all, just goes to show that there are just special spirits in the world meant to change the lives of others. Birth parents say this often of the child they place. That the child had “changed” them and they want to live better lives. Well, P has changed us…her being born, her life, has single-handedly changed the life of our family in an amazing way. The “failed placement” was hard, and sometimes still is, but we know that it was something we needed to go through. It was our Refiner’s Fire. There is definitely Someone greater than us molding us into who we should become and showing us His plan.

" ‘For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope.' "

"Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others.

The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

We may not be able to see the outcome, but our Heavenly Father does, and everything we experience in this life is meant for our greater good. We hope to one day bring our little one home and say that “All is Well”.

Alicia has been married for 10 years (in August) to her high school sweetheart. They have 2 amazing little boys and have been in the adoption process for about 4 years, hoping that Heavenly Father will bless them with a little one soon. In her free time she loves to create; photography, art, woodworking...you name it and she'll try it at least once.

You know Better Than I- Part 2

Note: This is part 2 of a 3 part story. Find Part 1 HERE. Part 3 will be published tomorrow.

We got together with N pretty much every week after that for the next 3 months of her pregnancy. We went to dinner, to the zoo (we had to find fun things for the kids to do), we went bowling and to the pumpkin patch, and, with her permission, we also had a baby shower. We got to know and love her and her family so much. We also grew to love that little princess she was carrying not doubting for a second that little girl was meant to come to our family.

Throughout the whole time we knew N, I was never worried about her changing her mind. We knew it was always a possibility for birth moms to change their minds, but it was NEVER a big fear of ours.

Fast forward to November 17th (2009) when N called to tell us she was being induced. This was it, the day we had been waiting for for so long, the day our daughter would be born. We drove the hour to the hospital where she was delivering and got there just as she was getting her epidural. It was about 6pm. She wasn’t dilating very fast, so we just chilled in her room talking, watching TV, and “trying” to get what little sleep we could on the hard chairs (we were too excited to sleep anyways).

At 5:57am on November 18th, 2009, we were just outside the room when we heard P’s first cries. It was such an amazing sound. Shawn and I both cried. (well, he “teared up” lol).

Two hours later, after they had moved N to recovery, we were able to see her. She was beautiful…there is no other way to describe her. Watching Shawn hold her was me falling in love with him all over again. All daddies should have daughters. I can’t describe the joy we had. We gave P her first bath, helped change diapers while we were there, and fed her. To us, she was “ours” and it was like she always had been.

During that time of excitement and drooling over our daughter, we didn’t know that N was starting to have second thoughts. We made plans with N and her mom to bring P to a late Thanksgiving dinner at their place so she could meet all the birth family. We were talking pacifiers, blankets and formulas, not once thinking that we weren’t going to be leaving the hospital with her. Two days later, as we waited for the phone call about the time we needed to be back at the hospital, instead, we got a phone call from a caseworker we didn’t even know (ours was out of town) that N had changed her mind and that she was going to parent. That’s when it all came crashing down.

I wish I could say that we endured this trial gracefully. I wish I could say that I was an example to all on how to remain strong and hopeful during those dark times of life. I wish it hadn’t hurt so much.

The thing with failed placements, especially ones where you have gotten to know the baby and were just hours away from bringing her home, to your home, is that now, this sweet precious little girl (or boy), has no ties to you and you have no claim on them. You are not their birth mother, you are not their adoptive mother, you’re not even “family”, and yet, you loved them as if they were your own. That doesn’t go away. Friends and family would always tell me, “You’ll have another chance to adopt”, or “You’ll find YOUR baby soon”, and while I appreciated their support so much, it was hard to get them to realize the bond we had with THIS baby girl. I didn’t carry her in me for nine months, but I still had a love and connection with her that is like that of a mothers. Fathers never carry their children, or give birth, and yet, you know that the love they have for their child is beyond anything that words can express. When we got the phone called that N had changed her mind, it felt like a part of us had died. In fact, Shawn even mentioned that it was like we had a daughter, but she died at the hospital. Those were my feelings exactly. The last time we saw her she was two days old. She never came home. Or, more appropriately, she never came home to “us”.

During the first week after the birth and the failed placement, (man, that just doesn’t seem like a good enough way to describe what happens when you lose a baby) although we were devastated, we were still holding out hope that N would change her mind again and that we would get a call telling us to come get our baby. The first day, we had taken everything that was set up (the swing, the bouncers, bottles, etc) and just threw them in the nursery and closed the door. That didn’t stop us, or at least me, from praying that N would change her mind. As the weeks passed though, we had to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t going to happen. We withdrew from the world and spent our days focusing more on each other and the children we do have at home. Some might have said that we were anti-social or may have worried when we didn’t call or answer our phones, but it was just what we needed at that moment. To begin healing. Shawn brought home a dog one day, and although he didn’t say it, I knew that it was something to kind of replace what we had lost. I didn’t have the heart to tell him to take her back. That was just the beginning of our journey. When caseworkers and counselors tell you that you will experience every stage of grief, sometimes more than once, they couldn’t be more right.

We went to meet with our caseworker a few weeks later and she could see that I was just an outward mess. I knew that I was a mess, but all I wanted was to get our profile back up and running because I had felt like we had lost precious time in finding “our child”. It was hard for me to admit that I was grieving the loss of a child that was not ours. She told me it was natural to feel that way and that I should see a counselor to try and help me cope with the grief. I didn’t think that anyone would understand how I was feeling, because no one at the time seemed to grasp how much we loved that little girl. She set me up with a counselor though, and I promised that I would see her.

What our caseworker didn’t realize at the time, and what I failed to realize also, was that, although I was an outward mess of crying jags, depression, and days where I just wanted to stay in bed, I wasn’t the only one falling apart. Shawn, who had been so strong for me and for our kids, was struggling on the inside.

I guess I didn’t realize until then that everyone has their own way of grieving and coping (or not coping). What I thought was strength, was really him just bottling everything up inside. The loss of the baby burned into his soul and he started questioning his faith. I tell you this, not for judgment, but for understanding that may help someone you love who is going through the same thing. While I had a hard time getting up and going to church because I felt like it was too much work to get in the shower and get ready and I would rather just lay in bed watching ridiculously stupid Lifetime movies (enter depression), Shawn didn’t want to go because his faith had been tested so much that he wasn’t sure he believed anymore. It was an extremely emotional, faith testing experience for us losing that child…losing that dream of what could be. If we would have had someone there to tell us what they went through and give us guidance, it still would have been very hard, but we would have known what to expect and, I think as far as faith goes, it wouldn’t have been questioned as much. Of course we’ve become much stronger and more faithful as a result. I think that is one of the things you need to look for if you go through a failed placement, or any faith-trying event,…what can you learn and how can you grow?

Come back tomorrow for part 3...

Alicia has been married for 10 years (in August) to her high school sweetheart. They have 2 amazing little boys and have been in the adoption process for about 4 years, hoping that Heavenly Father will bless them with a little one soon. In her free time she loves to create; photography, art, woodworking...you name it and she'll try it at least once.

You Know Better Than I- Part 1

Note: This is a 3 part story. Part 2 will be published tomorrow, and the final part of the story will be here on Friday!

Most people who have never been through the adoption process don’t understand how truly emotional and faith testing the process is…even before getting chosen. To find out you cannot have children, or have any more children, is gut wrenching. There is that long period of time when you wonder if your Heavenly Father truly loves you. How could you not be blessed with such a righteous desire?

Even after you are chosen by a birth mom, it is still a very bumpy and challenging road (I am telling this from my point of view as a potential adoptive parent…of course, there are many other heartaches involved as a birth parent). If it’s a few months away you have to wonder everyday if she will change her mind or pick someone else. You wonder if you should get the nursery ready and tell your other kids (if you have them). There is no security until that little baby is placed in your arms and the papers are signed. This is our story, which we featured on an adoption site, about how we dealt with the loss of a baby….the dreaded “Failed Placement”.

We were 2 years into the adoption process when we received our first email from our profile. Yes, the first. Many couples have at least a few before they are seriously considered or chosen. We were thrilled, and so nervous at the same time. What do we write back? What if we sound like total geeks? Could this possibly be the miracle we’ve been praying for? We had a hard time with that email, but we eventually wrote back, and after another couple of emails and a phone chat, the potential birth mom had set up a day to meet us.

When we met N for the first time, I knew her. I mean, I had never met her before, but when she walked up and sat down on the bench outside Olive Garden, I knew it was her. I could only see her face…I couldn’t tell she was pregnant (she was a very tiny girl anyways so she wasn’t really showing at 27 weeks). But in that instant, I knew it was going to be a good first meeting. We had our two boys with us, which I was kind of leery about at first, but N told us that she wanted to meet them and so we brought them and just said we were meeting a friend for dinner. I can say that there were some awkward pauses during the dinner, but overall it went really great. We learned so much about her and her life. We talked for a long time, I think the waiters probably wanted us to leave. She was the sweetest girl. I don’t know how she felt about us when we first sat down, if she was just meeting with us or if she had already made up her mind, but when she asked the boys, “do you want a baby sister or a baby brother?” I knew that she had already made up her mind. Both boys, of course, announced “baby sister”.

N went out to her car and brought back a build-a-bear box. She then had us open the box, which had a bear dressed in a pink skirt, and said “you’re going to have a daughter!” She then told the boys as she put her hands on her belly “This baby is all yours!” Shawn and I (and Blake and Cole) were more than ecstatic! Tears came to my eyes almost instantly and I hugged her. I had always felt like the baby that was waiting to come to our family was a girl.

Come back tomorrow for Part 2... 

Alicia has been married for 10 years (in August) to her high school sweetheart. They have 2 amazing little boys and have been in the adoption process for about 4 years, hoping that Heavenly Father will bless them with a little one soon. In her free time she loves to create; photography, art, woodworking...you name it and she'll try it at least once.

Finding Joy in the Journey – Now.

*Originally published on Nov. 8, 2008, republished on Pearls with permission.
 
A couple days ago I read over the 4 talks President Monson gave at the most recent LDS General Conference and wrote down his words of counsel. One of his talks was about "finding joy in the journey--now" and not letting our lives pass us by without appreciating what we have. He said, "With gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days--as much as we can--with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed."

I have found myself getting frustrated with Sydney for somehow getting in my way when I want to do something. I don't like feeling that way, and I am trying to replace those feelings with gratitude and remember that she needs me to love and care for her more than I need to run an errand or take a shower or even sleep. She is a wonderful baby, and I have no reason to get frustrated with her.

I also am taking to heart the counsel of one of my home teachers. He said to always expect your child to have sleep problems and then you won't be surprised and worried when she wakes during the night. Sydney has actually had WONDERFUL sleep habits, but every night I remember that thought and expect her to wake up. When she doesn't, I am well pleased, and if she does, I want to be okay with it.

So this morning at 4:30am when I heard Sydney struggling to sleep, I got her from her crib and snuggled with her in the glider chair. It was one of the sweetest moments I've had with her. I was tired but not at all frustrated. She was just cold and in need of a little lovin'. As we rocked in the darkness I said a prayer in my mind, thanking my Heavenly Father for my beautiful baby girl and telling him how glad I am that I am her mother and know what she needs and can soothe her cries. I love her so much. She was asleep well before I put her back in her crib, but I was just appreciating the Prophet's words of finding joy in my life now.

Remembering that taking care of Sydney is what the Lord wants of me right now really helps me every day. Thinking of it as my job makes it sound menial and rough. I try to cherish the time I have with her and enjoy how she makes me feel. I spend some time every day looking in her eyes and playing with her hands and making her laugh. I don't need to read a book every time I feed her a bottle. I can just feed her and love her.
It has taken me longer than I expected to feel so enamored with motherhood as I now feel, but I am so glad to have arrived here. I know it will not always be so blissful, but I will work on keeping the proper perspective.

 Cami is a happy military wife and mother to two sweet girls, ages one (today!) and nearly 3. She has lived in Texas, Utah, and California twice each. She enjoys taking her kids on daily outings and believes every lunch and dinner should end with chocolate.

Why Do I Feel Like This?

from flickr, by slunchitze

I had a wonderful childhood full of love and support. I was taught about my Heavenly Father and how much he loved me from the start. I never questioned if I was loved or where I belonged in this world…Yet, the first time I remember feeling “uneasy” was when I was 8 years old. I just wanted to hide from the world, and had this unexplainable sinking feeling in my gut. I felt all alone and scared. That was the day I was baptized. I hid away from all the people who came to support me, and couldn’t figure out what was happening to me.

Nothing more happened until Jr. High. From there that “feeling” seemed to follow me everywhere I went. It influenced every decision I made. It made me feel worthless, and unintelligent. It made me feel ugly, and alone. On the outside I managed to keep it all together. No one knew the pain I was going through. I truly thought I was the only one who had ever felt this way.

Fast forward a few years to the birth of our first child. I was really sick through the entire pregnancy and that “feeling” was at its worst. She came 2 weeks early and was very sick. She spent 5 days in the NICU, and came home with lots of chords and medicines to keep her healthy. That first week was the longest of my life. This adorable, perfect, absolutely beautiful creature didn’t feel like mine. I felt so disconnected. I watched my husband with her and it was so beautiful. They connected instantly.

The next few weeks were a blur. I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything and was absolutely terrified of being left alone with her. I cried every single day. Why didn’t I feel like her mother? One night when she was about 6 weeks old my husband I got in a fight because he was so sick of doing everything on his own. He got up with her at night, he changed her diapers, he cleaned the house, and still went to work every day. I wish I could’ve told him what I was going though, but I couldn’t find the words, so I left. I got in the car and drove away.

I seriously considered ending my life. My husband panicked and called my mom to watch our daughter and found me basically comatose in a parking lot and took me home. The very next day was my 6 week check up, so my husband stayed home from work to make sure I talked about everything with my doctor. Very grudgingly I started talking anti-depressants.

Over the next couple of weeks I felt this fog lifting. I was able to see the beauty in everyday life. When Mara spit up all over the place, I was glad she could get her bubbles out. When she screamed because her tummy hurt, I knew she needed me to help her feel better. I was her mother. No one could take my place.
As I got further along in my recovery from post partum depression, I realized that what I had been experiencing my entire life truly was depression. I could finally see my life for what it was: something beautiful and inspired. I had a loving Heavenly Father who sent me here to experience these trials and become a better person.

Sometimes I let myself wonder, “why me?” But that gets me nowhere. I know that is Satan trying to influence me. I can’t let him win. As the fog lifted I was able to draw closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. I could feel of their love for me, and their support as I experience this trial.
When I start feeling bad again I have to remind myself that everything has a purpose. This trial is here to teach me something. Most importantly, that Heavenly Father did not send me here without any resources to help me get through this. He has blessed us all with the Atonement, with prophets, with the scriptures, family, friends, the priesthood, modern day medicines, and so much more. He loves us. He wants us to succeed.

 
Brittani is the mother of the two cutest kids on the planet (ask anyone) and married to her childhood sweetheart. She is semi-obsessed with reading, and has a bunch of hobbies like quilting.

He Eased My Mind

I was having a really difficult time with a certain person in my life. There was a huge lack of communication in our relationship and I was constantly feeling upset and frustrated because I didn’t know what I could possibly say to this person without it turning unpleasant. The mere thought of this person and all the hurt and dishonesty got my blood boiling – and I hated the way I felt. I mostly avoided this person and any chance of confrontation.

It got to a point where our lack of communication was affecting my daily life. I knew something had to change, but I could not, for the life of me, figure how this could be addressed without bringing out all the hurt and negative emotions I had been trying so hard to release.

I had been petitioning my Heavenly Father for help throughout the ordeal, and He had brought peace to my mind and soul time and time again, but in this instance I felt stuck.

As I lay in bed one night, the situation was bothering me enough that I could not find rest. I couldn’t fall asleep and my mind was reeling with possible ways to handle the situation – all of which would not end well and didn’t feel right. Again, I asked my Heavenly Father to help me know what I should do.

Immediately after, thoughts came to my mind that felt natural and as if they could be my own. A scenario played out in my mind’s eye with specific dialogue and feelings. It was an option I had not considered, but made the most sense. It wasn’t what I had originally desired, but it was clearly the right thing to do. I was amazed how much sense it all made, and I knew I would have to talk to my husband about it as soon as I could.

It wasn’t until the next morning, that I really realized that what had happened was inspiration from my Father in Heaven. The more I thought about what had been revealed to me, the more confident and peaceful I felt about approaching the situation, knowing I was doing what He would have me do under these circumstances.

I know Heavenly Father loves and listens to me, and when I desire to do His will, miracles occur. I know He loves that person as well and He is the only one who understands us both and knows what is best for a strained relationship. I am grateful I was able to receive that inspiration. I am grateful to know I can access such blessings again when I need them!


Alicia is a married, mother of two boys ages two and four years old and is expecting her third in May. She grew up on the island of Kaua’i where her parents still live after 22 years. She enjoys photography and meeting up with friends at the local Applebees for Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Shooters.

It Was the Right Time

As a child, I saw the missionaries many times. My mom always welcomed them into our home to teach us, but when they started talking about paying tithing my mom would back down and say, "this is not for us!"

Years passed, twelve years to be exact, until I decided to talk to the missionaries.

We didn't know the name of the church, so I looked for all the churches in the yellow pages. I read each one of them to my mom, until I came to "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" and bingo! my mom said it was that one. I couldn't wait for the next day to call, so I immediately called the office of the church, and they were very amazed that somebody would call the office of the church to ask for the missionaries to come to a home and teach.

The next day, the missionaries were knocking on our door. We started listening to them, and when they asked us to kneel down and pray to Heavenly Father, so we could receive an answer about The Church and the Book of Mormon, we did! However I didn't feel a thing, I was very confused. As I walked into my mother's room to ask her if she had received an answer, I saw her sitting on her bed crying, and she said to me "I'm getting baptized!" I was happy for her, but so scared because I wasn't sure.

The next Sunday, we went to church for my mother to have her interview, as I sat on the last bench, I prayed, but this time I prayed from the heart, wanting to receive an answer, and I did! I felt the most amazing feeling in my heart, it was a warm, good feeling, like I felt peace in my heart, and it was good.

We got baptized May 4th 2002 and my sister followed our steps a year later.

As I look back I now understand that the time of the Lord is perfect. Sometimes it is not our time to do something, maybe because we are not prepared. Many years ago, we were not prepared to take the big step of becoming members of The Church, maybe we weren't spiritually mature enough to understand what an important and life changing decision it is to get baptized.

I am so happy that we chose to be baptized, and to follow Him. Today I know that Jesus lives, I know that He is my savior, my big brother, and best friend. I know that Heavenly Father loves us so much, that He gave His only son so we could be here today. His timing is perfect, and it was the right time.

Fabi is a mother, a friend, a wife, a sister and a daughter. She married her best friend when she was 20, they’ve been married for seven years and counting. She’s currently getting her BA in early childhood education. She loves to craft, and share every little thing she learns. She has a strong testimony of The Church, and she  knows that Jesus lives and is her Savior.

Divorce, Abuse and the LDS Woman

*Republished  by request and with permission. Original publication found here.

Divorce for any woman is hard, for an LDS woman there can be a couple more complications. The teachings of the Lord can soften our hearts to endure. I understand there are many reasons and excuses for divorce in present times. I have been divorced which seems to attract women considering the same option. I’ve been asked, “what should I do?” many times. My constant answer is to work it out. Don’t get divorced if you can help it, it sucks. Usually I follow that advice with... “but what do I know, I got divorced!” lol. Truth is, divorce is awful. I am grateful that I have been able to overcome my divorce, but it was not easy. I fell away from the Lord. Without the strength of a worthy priesthood holder in their lives, my children suffered as well.

I am remarried now and happy ;-) but the trail that led to my safe place was thorny and ambushed with pain. I align with the counsel of the Lord through general authorities in present times that divorce should not be an option unless there is abuse or infidelity.

For women who are enduring abuse, have Faith that the Lord is by your side. Recognize your Divine Nature - you are his daughter. Let your Individual Worth guide your choices and enhance your thoughts. Gain Knowledge of your situation and your options - its your Choice to be happy. Take it and be Accountable - your choices affect you as well as your posterity. Fill your heart with Good Works - they will increase your self esteem and bring you happiness and blessings. Allow your Integrity to shine through- no daughter of Heavenly Father deserves to endure abuse - don’t allow it. Your Virtue will guide you to remember these values and abide by them. Your Heavenly Father is there for you. He will guide and protect you if you let him. I have a personal testimony of this. Love yourself - you are great!

When you decide to begin the healing process from abuse or divorce, remember to keep close to the Lord, “*healing comes through the unwavering love of Heavenly Father for each of His children.... the power of healing is inherent in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”

You will be tempted to “*undermine your self-confidence, destroy trust, create fear and generate feelings of despair” - don’t succumb. You have to believe you can resolve these, very real, but negative consequences. If you don’t, you will not recover. You will hear criticism, you will feel guilty, and you will hear gossip; absorb what you need and discard what you don't. Mature into thicker skin, it will help your journey.

The worst thing an abuse victim can do is feel sorry for themselves. Be brave; be strong, “fake it ‘til you make it” if you have to. If you really want to overcome abuse, you have to start believing you can overcome it and start working towards that goal. Don't waste time sulking. Trust me, you will regret it.

Make conscious efforts to build your worth. Assert your positive traits. Defend your significance with all your strength. It is part of the Lord’s plan that you understand the actions that are worthy of you as his daughter so that you can make choices that bring joy to your life. Not temporal enjoyment but true eternal happiness.
Inundate your thoughts with love, and forgiveness. Abuse can damage your ability to form healthy human relationships. “*Even when it may seem very difficult to pray, kneel and ask Heavenly Father to give you the capacity to trust Him and to feel His love for you.” Prayer in my darkest days was my brightest consolation. Never believe Satan’s lies that you are not worthy to pray. What earthly parent would deny their child a shoulder to cry on and not console them? So much more is His love that He will give you spiritual healing. Talk to Him with your heart. Pour out your thoughts and be honest. If you are mad tell Him. If you are sad tell Him. He is there, He will listen. Be humble, be childlike. You are His baby. I have learned this through my process.

This eternal truth was one that took me years to understand. Begin analyzing and pray that you may comprehend and accept this principle so that you may unravel diverted blame: “*It was Satan’s proposal that Father’s children be forced to obey, that there be no moral agency and therefore no personal growth. To preserve moral agency, the Lord does not restrain individuals from improper use of that agency. However, He will punish them for such acts unless there is full repentance. Through the Holy Ghost, He sends warning promptings to the abuser, but often that individual’s degrading appetite is so powerful that it blocks out that spiritual guidance. That is why our Father provided a way to heal the consequences of acts that, through force, misuse of authority, or fear of another, temporarily take away the agency of the abused.”

In the end, I remember talking to my good friend Irazema and listening and telling her, “Man this sucks, amiga. Don’t know what to say or how to fix it”. But as President Scott said, “…*there is no magic solution, no simple balm to provide healing, nor is there an easy path to the complete remedy. The cure requires profound faith in Jesus Christ and in His infinite capacity to heal. It is rooted in an understanding of doctrine and a resolute determination to follow it. (Richard G. Scott, To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse, April 2008)”

Time heals all things. The Lord knows this and in his plan to help us attain exaltation, patience is a key virtue. Stay strong. When you fall, because you will trip, dust off and get back on track. Keep your head up. Things will be alright.

Some practical, every day things that help:
Clinging to the counsel of the Lord
Prayer
Scripture Reading
If you have children, commit to being a great mother, search out ways to do this
Rediscover your family
Love your mom and dad
Serve Others
Good Support System
Counseling
Assertions
Goal Planning
Keeping busy
Stayin in holy places
Reading self help books
Writing in a journal (it is empowering to go back an read entries that help you gauge your progress.)

A book I loved:
"Surviving Domestic Violence" by Elaine Weiss

*Quotes by Richard G. Scott, To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse, April 2008

 
Flor has 3 children under the age of five, is 26 and just embarked on her second marriage. She loves her heritage, wants to go to Law School and own a business. She wants to share her story of overcoming abuse, domestic violence and staying strong. Visit her blog at http://FlorecitaGrowingUp.Com

Stranded

When I was a child, we were driving to meet my dad at a campsite with chili for the scouts. We got lost and it started snowing. We had all the girls in our cold van. It was a cargo van with little heat. It snowed more and more until we got stuck and could not push ourselves out. It was just too slick. My mom told us that we needed to pray. We were on a deserted side-road in the middle of nowhere and we didn’t know where we could go to find any civilization. After we prayed, we waited. After about 10 minutes, a truck pulled up and a man told us that he felt he needed to drive that way. He pulled us out of the snow and directed us back to the main road. It was amazing to witness my mother's faith that night.



Michelle is the mother of 6 amazing children. She was raised a member of The Church. She has a wonderful husband. She believes in prayer and in miracles.

Tender Mercies of the Lord

This past summer I went through a very difficult time.  I was pregnant with our second child, and I waited until I was 12 weeks along to start telling my friends.  Every woman in my family has had at least one miscarriage, and I wanted to wait until I was “safe”.

Well, I started telling my friends on a Saturday morning, and on Sunday I started bleeding.  My first check-up was scheduled for that Monday, and there wasn’t anything they could do for me until I had my ultrasound.  I still remember the complete silence during the ultrasound, as the nurse checked for signs of a thriving life growing in my womb, and found none.  I was shocked, devastated, and overwhelmed. 

To make matters even more complicated, my husband had left two weeks earlier for a summer job half-away across the country.  I was supposed to leave that week on a road trip to meet him at his new job and then attend his sister’s wedding a few days later. 

That week was probably the most difficult of my life.  I was in and out of doctors offices for 3 or 4 days.  After a day in the hospital, I started a cross-country road trip with my mother and my two-year-old son.  Every day something went wrong.  One day I took my medicines on an empty stomach and ended up so sick that we were delayed 3 hours just waiting for me to get better.  One day I lost my wallet in the middle of Iowa.  One day my mother and I both had bad headaches and we had to stop driving early.  Every day was a roller-coaster of emotions and a serious test of my faith.

What I remember about that week more than anything else, though, is the series of miracles that got me through.  The first miracle came while I was scheduling my doctor’s appointment.  When I had called to schedule my appointment weeks earlier, the only person I knew at the entire hospital just “happened” to be answering the phones, which was not her usual job.  She was able to schedule me for my registration appointment and my ultrasound on the same day, only because she was my friend and she knew I was leaving town right after that.  Without the ultrasound, I could have been bleeding for days or weeks, and I could have had some pretty serious complications. 

The next miracle was that my mother flew into town at the very time I needed her.  My husband was out of town, I was an emotional wreck, and without my mother to watch my son and comfort me, I would have been completely broken.  I run a home day care and I’m very used to taking care of other people.  This time, I needed someone to take care of me, and Heavenly Father sent my mother.

Another miracle was all the generous love and support I found in my ward family during those few days.  A great many people came to my aid, and I will always remember their kindness to me.  Most importantly, they helped me make an important decision to have a simple surgery done that I wasn’t sure I needed.  A week later, while I was half-way across the country, the doctors office called to tell me that I had tested positive for abnormal cells, and if I hadn’t had the surgery, there was a chance that those cells would have grown into a tumor.

Yet another miracle came when I lost my wallet during my road trip.  We stopped at a restaurant for dinner, and we were on the phone trying to make arrangements to get me to my sister-in-laws wedding.  When I needed to look at my license, I realized my entire wallet was missing.  What a devastating moment!  I starting crying, told my husband that there just wasn’t any way I was going to make it to the wedding, and hung up the phone.  And yet, after a quick and heartfelt prayer, I remembered exactly where I had left my wallet.  And even though I had left it in a library which was closed for the weekend, someone had taken my wallet to the local police station.  Heavenly Father had preserved my wallet for me, had made sure that nothing bad had happened to it, and prepared a way for me to retrieve it and continue on my journey.

These are some of the most memorable moments of the week, although there are many more.  When I look back on it, I am filled with gratitude to my Father in Heaven.  I join with the prophet Nephi in sharing my testimony that “the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance”(1 Nephi 1: 20).  The Lord delivered me from disease, from guilt, from depression, and from many other things that week.  I know that I am a daughter of God, who loves me, and I love Him.

Jenni has a wonderful almost 3-year-old who keeps her very busy.  She runs a small home day care.  She loves to cook, read, sing, and learn new things.  Her husband is almost done with graduate school, and they are excited for new adventures in their future. 

The Worth of Every Soul…

...Is Great In The Sight of God.

I was getting my hair done and when I finished, I walked out to my car on the street... which was, to my shock, still there. If a policemen were to have rolled by with a ruler, he could have given me a ticket because my bumper was about half a foot over the red mark for sidewalk parking... anyway. That's totally like me to get on a tangent :)

I walk out of the Salon, a huge gust of wind blew my hair all over my face (attractive, I know.) I put on my $1 stunnah shades and walk straight for my car. As I flip my hair out of my face, I notice this woman to my left... she is just standing there looking as if she needs something... to do something, to say something... but she's not sure what it is she needs. Her face looks like she's been out in the sun a lot- sad, tired eyes, lines on her forehead and cheeks from long years of working.

I learned her name was Mary after asking her to get into my car. Where did she need to go? To the mall she told me. We made small talk. I was trying to get to know someone I'd only seen for 2 minutes of my life. She wore pants up to her belly button, an old shirt, and a coat because it was a little chilly out. Her posture was a little bent over, and she seemed to be about 60 years old. She barely spoke English, but I still talked to her. I wasn't sure if she was Native American or Latin... her skin was weathered, and I could just tell that she had been through a lot.

While we were in the car, she seemed a little embarrassed, yet grateful. We drove and I said, "Wow, this would have been a long walk."

She smiled sheepishly and said, "I usually have a ride, but my friend was busy today." I just nodded. When was the last time I didn't have transportation and had to rely on someone? I realized then that we were both embarrassed. She for taking a ride, and me for being spoiled.

After I had dropped her off at the mall, she told me, "God bless you. Thank you so much." in her hesitant English, and I felt right then and there, that this is our mission on Earth - to help those who don't have the resources we do. I have a car. I have a cell phone. I'd just about die if I had to catch the bus... yet here was this humble woman who didn't speak English very well, probably didn't have electronic access to the bus schedule, didn't have a car, didn't have a cell phone... and may not have had shelter.

This sweet sister showed me that I have a lot, even at times when I feel like I don't. There is always going to be someone better, or worst off than me. For those that don't have their basic needs, I need to help them. Even though someone is different from me, it is so important to remember that even though at times it may be hard, we need to remind ourselves that the worth of every soul is GREAT in the eyes of God.


I don't know if her name was really Mary. Maybe she just told me that because I had asked and she wanted to give a name... and I don't know if I'll ever see her again... but this was the first time I have given a stranger a ride, and it has left me feeling nothing but joy and compassion for my sister. I'm yearning to be better and not letting my fear of the unknown (race, religion, places, people) keep me from doing the right thing. :)

*Story republished with permission.



Jocie is from Oahu, Hawai'i. She is a rockin' Zumba instructor, plays the guitar and sings. She's recently become a regular at El Mexsal and she LOVES Pupusas. She is almost done with her Masters in Social Work.

My Wedding Ring

One time, I lost my wedding ring. I went to put it on one morning, and it was just gone! I had never lost it before because I always put it away when I didn't have it on. I always took it off at night and kept it in its box.
I asked my kids where it was. They were saying it was lost down the bathtub drain, and they were quite sure. I was so scared that I would have to tell my husband it was gone forever so we kept searching. Mind you, this was no pleasant search for the children. I was ranting and raving because I was so nervous. We were searching frantically, but the kids and I couldn’t find it.
At one point, I was so upset and was in the middle of swinging my hand down to spank my daughter when I strongly felt this wasn't the right thing to do, so I stopped and said, “We are going to pray.”
We knelt down, and I asked my daughter to say the prayer. After the prayer, my daughter was inspired to walk down the hall to her room and there she found the ring on her night stand. It was in plain sight! It turns out that she was truly inspired and guided by her faith, not mine. I felt so blessed that we resorted to prayer instead of spanking.



Michelle is the mother of 6 amazing children. She was raised a member of The Church. She has a wonderful husband. She believes in prayer and in miracles.

Everyday Spirituality

Simply put, some people are just more easily spiritual by nature. The rest of us have to roll up our sleeves and put some elbow grease into it in order to see results. Well worth the effort though, I must say.

Often I forget to have Family Home Evening; partially because I now work at nights, partially because my stepson is only here on the weekends, and - if we’re being honest here - mostly because I am just not in the habit. I can, however, tell myself I am somewhat spiritually redeemed because I do read my scriptures and write in my journal every day. I do this because it causes me to 1.) reflect on my daily life and record wonderful little happenings that would otherwise get lost in the fray, and 2.) make sure I don’t miss any of Moroni’s epic secret ops missions. The other reason I maintain this nightly ritual is because of the record I have going – I have written in my journal every single day since January 1, 2008. I have also read my scriptures every single day since May 2007 (I have missed three days total since June 2005). Part of me feels like the fabric of the Universe may be ripped asunder should I miss a night of reading and writing. I’m only half joking – it really does worry me a little bit.

Making spiritual habits a part of my everyday life has been critical in helping me keep a grasp on what sometimes feels like a Crisco-coated sanity. Amongst the raging battles and family drama in the Book of Mormon are words that are written precisely for me to help me precisely deal with precisely what I am going through. Reading through previous journal entries I see time and time again how God has lead my family easily through what I felt were rigged labyrinths and supernatural practical jokes.

Perhaps the most vital and most intimate of my everyday spirituality habits is keeping a running dialog with God. I basically have an open door policy when it comes to my inner workings. I really believe God has an interest in, and a right to be privy to, all of my thoughts and feelings throughout the course of a single day. I express my frustrations over finances, my sappy love for my husband, my joys in motherhood, my disappointments in my personal struggles, and my gratitude for blessings great and small. I love speaking to Him almost constantly, as He is an excellent listener.

Sometimes, He even speaks back to me. When He does, whether it’s catching me in my sassiness or answering the question of a broken heart, I know that my efforts to be in tune spiritually each day are worth it. It’s also a relief to know the stability of the Universe doesn’t rest squarely on my shoulders.

Adrienne is the stepmom of 10 year old Austin, the regular mom of 1 year old Porter, and the BFF of Lucas since 2005. She is from Virginia but is currently enjoying life in Provo, Utah. She loves writing, singing, playing video games and making others laugh.