Dealing with the Death of a Spouse

I wrote this poem as I struggled to deal with the passing of my husband. For a very long time I felt cheated, like I had been robbed of my fairytale. This was not part of the “plan” for me. I had two young children, and was suddenly all alone. As I leaned on my savior I found the courage and strength to carry on. When things were the hardest, I literally felt like I was being carried by my Savior and those in my family and ward who were praying for me. I know that by surrendering ourselves to Heavenly Father's will, he helps us become the women we need to be. He knows us. He loves us. He is real. He will carry us when we are too weak to take another step. Our lives make a difference.


If I could retrace my life, every moment that I’ve spent,
If I could feel again your love and all that it meant,
If I cold start from the end and work my way back through time,
If I could hold in peaceful stillness every moment you were mine
If I could cherish all the moments knowing they were our last,
If could have forgiven sooner, and let go of the past.
If I could have held you in our perfection just a moment longer,
If I could have been the woman you needed, someone wise and stronger,
Would our lives be different?
Would I still feel they were misspent?
Would I still look at our daughter and see you in her eyes?
Would I still hold our son and comfort his longfull cries?
Would I revisit the happy as well as the sad?
Would I still miss you this bad?
Would the lessons of yesterday still haunt my every dream?
Would I look back on all we suffered and know what it means?
In the refiners fire I feel the hurt and pain,
Through my saviors atonement I know you will live again.
He has felt my every sorrow and knows the painful ache
Upon his perfect shoulders, every burden he will take.
Knowing he is on my side gives me the courage to fight,
In the dawn of tomorrow comes the promise of the light,
With my savior I will overcome and chose greater light divine,
And the trace that my life has left will forever shine.



Teresa Malachowski Krolak