Safety and Peace

When I found out my husband would be deploying for a third time, I was devastated.

We had only been married 8 months. He had just gotten back from a deployment to Iraq 9 months earlier. It didn’t help that we just found out I was pregnant. I felt angry. How could Heavenly Father do this to us? I know it is my husband’s job to deploy, but I just wasn’t ready for it so soon. I felt fearful for my husband’s safety. All I could think about was what if he gets hurt? What if he gets killed? It was all I could think about 6 months before he deployed. I remember many sleepless nights trying to get horrible images of him dying out of my head.

Two weeks before he deployed we went to his parents’ house. His father asked if he wanted a blessing. The blessing specifically told my husband that if he lived the gospel, he would be able to preserve his life and the life of his men. This was an answer to my prayers.

After the blessing I was able to relax. I knew that everything was going to be ok. My husband would come home safe. My mother in law recorded the blessing and printed out copies for me and my husband. I look at the blessing at least once a month.

I have the wonderful gift of feeling at peace when my husband is in a war zone. I remember one time when my husband’s unit was on a blackout (A blackout is when someone gets wounded or killed and the army shuts down all forms of communication). I hadn’t talked to my husband in over a week. This was very abnormal. Even though I felt sad that I wasn’t able to talk to him, I felt comfort in knowing he was safe.

I feel very blessed that Heavenly Father gave my husband such an amazing promise. I know that my husband will be safe until he comes home. I feel so blessed to have the priesthood in my life. I am so grateful for fathers blessing. I know they come from Heavenly Father. He loves each and every one of us.

Katherine is a stay at home mom to an adorable 6 month old. She loves being a mom. She is currently going back to school to become a radiology technician. She has been married to her husband for two years. Her husband gets home from his third deployment in less then a month.

The Traveling Husband

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Ever since my husband first started working, he’s had to travel for a week or two at a time at least every month, sometimes more. It has been a challenge for us as a couple and as a family. Most of the time we haven’t lived near extended family members, so we have had to learn to rely on each other and the Lord.

For a long time I found myself feeling like I was “getting through” the times he was out of town. When I really sat down and calculated the time that we were apart, I realized I didn’t want to spend that amount of my life just “getting through”. I wanted to enjoy my blessings and family, and live life to its fullest. Over the years, we’ve figured out how to make this time in our lives enjoyable, to look at the positive side, and to be grateful for the time we have together as a family. Here are some things that have helped us (and me!) find the joy in this part of our journey.

-Use Technology: We bought a webcam for my computer and my husband’s laptop. This enables us to gather around the computer almost every night my husband is gone and talk as a family. We’ve had family home evenings this way; the kids can show their Dad a school assignment or a new dance move they learned; he can tell them their bedtime story. Even our baby starts smiling and reaching for the screen when she sees her Daddy. This small investment has really been a great way to feel more in touch.

-My Mom (who faced this same situation many times as a young mother) told me to treat myself during these long weeks. She said it was cheaper than a shrink, and I think she’s right. I don’t try to expect too much out of myself during these weeks. The house isn’t always spotless (not that it is when my husband’s home!) We will sometimes eat out, have an easy dinner at home (my kids will tell you that they’ve even eaten cold cereal for dinner, but I will deny this), or go get a treat together. I rent chick-flicks to watch after the kids go to bed. This is fun for me, and I know my husband doesn’t miss seeing those at all! I will start fun projects: once, when my husband left for China, our family room wall was white; when he came home it was red (ok, maybe it was actually a scary salmon pink color, but eventually it ended up red).

-During the summer, I’ve planned weeks of fun with the kids where we visit museums, the zoo, and the pool. Then we pick their favorite thing we did to do with Dad when he returns.

-Carry on traditions: I still try and hold family home evening, family prayer, and family scripture study, as well as any other routines we have when Dad is home. They aren’t fancy, or long, but the kids seem to do the best with their routines and they know what to expect no matter who is home.

-Safety: My husband has set up rules for himself as he travels, to help him avoid temptations. He doesn’t turn the tv on after certain hours and is careful to pick only channels he knows aren’t going to have anything indecent on. He doesn’t turn the tv on at all in foreign countries. He takes his scriptures to read, keeps busy working, exercising, and trying to eat healthy. This helps us trust each other when we are apart.

I’m grateful for a husband who works hard for our family, and for the fact that he has a good job, even if it means time apart. For the time being I know we can work together to make this an opportunity to grow together as a family and couple, and start enjoying the journey of our life together.

I also found these articles in the Ensign really helpful:
Business Travelers: Return With Honor
Road Warriors
 



Melissa is a stay at home Mom with 4 kids that keep her happily busy. She is in the process of moving her family from Utah to Colorado. She loves photography, dancing, and all things messy and fun with her kids.

He Makes Me Crazy.

He makes me insane. Like, I want to scream or laugh out of hysteria. He doesn’t listen very well when he thinks he’s being funny, or playing his electric guitar or video games. I always get a dramatic response when I ask him to change a dirty diaper, and I swear I can never get a straight answer out of him. He doesn’t pay attention to the time, and he likes movies that I think are stupid. He makes me crazy.

But I adore him.

I think he’s cute when he’s rocking out on his guitar or jamming on his ukulele (I just know not to say anything important). I love how excited he gets when he’s telling me stories about his teenage years, when he did crazy dangerous things I hope he never tells our sons. I love the way he’s not afraid to break into dance wherever we are – grocery stores included.

He’s a good man. He takes time to play and spend time with our sons; they want to be just like him. He goes on dates with me almost every weekend, even if we have no plan. He stays up late having heart-to-heart conversations with his teenage brothers. When he has hard days and needs someone to talk to, even though I’m not always in the mood to hear about it, I’m his best friend, so I get to be the one that’s there for him – complaining and all; I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I have learned to love him the way he is. I have learned to love the way the sheet on his side of the bed always seems to slip off the corner, and how he unfailingly leaves his shoes in the middle of the living room floor. His quirks and imperfections are what make him him.

Our marriage has not been easy. It hasn’t even been close to the “Happily Ever After” I imagined it would be. We have been through hard times, really hard times, easy times, sad times, fun times, trying times, wonderful times, disappointing times, frustrating times, and did I mention hard times? Of course, all the good times are in there, too… but those I expected.

Do I love him more now than I did the day we were married? Yes. Am I a better person now than I was before he was a part of my life? Absolutely! Am I becoming the woman I want to be? Yep! Even more so than I could have anticipated!

“…marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)”

Ordained of God! No wonder marriage can be so amazing, and I have found so much joy in it, despite the difficult times. I know that without my Heavenly Father, I probably wouldn’t appreciate the trials in my marriage that have brought me so much growth. I know that my marriage is ordained of God, and that gives me enough hope and strength to get through the hard (especially the really hard) times. I look forward to an eternity with my silly, handsome, imperfect husband!


Alicia is a married, mother of two boys ages two and four years old and is expecting her third in May. She grew up on the island of Kaua’i where her parents still live after 22 years. She enjoys photography and meeting up with friends at the local Applebees for Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Shooters.