Safety and Peace

When I found out my husband would be deploying for a third time, I was devastated.

We had only been married 8 months. He had just gotten back from a deployment to Iraq 9 months earlier. It didn’t help that we just found out I was pregnant. I felt angry. How could Heavenly Father do this to us? I know it is my husband’s job to deploy, but I just wasn’t ready for it so soon. I felt fearful for my husband’s safety. All I could think about was what if he gets hurt? What if he gets killed? It was all I could think about 6 months before he deployed. I remember many sleepless nights trying to get horrible images of him dying out of my head.

Two weeks before he deployed we went to his parents’ house. His father asked if he wanted a blessing. The blessing specifically told my husband that if he lived the gospel, he would be able to preserve his life and the life of his men. This was an answer to my prayers.

After the blessing I was able to relax. I knew that everything was going to be ok. My husband would come home safe. My mother in law recorded the blessing and printed out copies for me and my husband. I look at the blessing at least once a month.

I have the wonderful gift of feeling at peace when my husband is in a war zone. I remember one time when my husband’s unit was on a blackout (A blackout is when someone gets wounded or killed and the army shuts down all forms of communication). I hadn’t talked to my husband in over a week. This was very abnormal. Even though I felt sad that I wasn’t able to talk to him, I felt comfort in knowing he was safe.

I feel very blessed that Heavenly Father gave my husband such an amazing promise. I know that my husband will be safe until he comes home. I feel so blessed to have the priesthood in my life. I am so grateful for fathers blessing. I know they come from Heavenly Father. He loves each and every one of us.

Katherine is a stay at home mom to an adorable 6 month old. She loves being a mom. She is currently going back to school to become a radiology technician. She has been married to her husband for two years. Her husband gets home from his third deployment in less then a month.

The Need to Work When Your Heart Says 'Home'

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Working. Mom. The two are just about synonymous to me. Show me a mom that doesn’t work and I’ll show you how I can glow in the dark. Now if you’re meaning a woman who is a mom AND an employee at the same time, we can talk. I’ve recently entered that realm, myself.

My entire life my plan was to be a stay-at-home mom. Sure I would dream of being a veterinarian, a disc jockey or a storm chaser for a while – but I knew my career would be motherhood, and it was never a question. The path wasn’t smooth, but I made it; a divorce, second marriage, two miscarriages, and nearly two and a half years of trying to conceive and I finally become a mother just a few short weeks before my 26^th birthday (I always figured I’d be about on my third kid by that age). So really, I shouldn’t have been surprised when I found myself needing to go back to work full-time, right?

Wrong.

Dead wrong.

If you had told me two or three months ago that I would soon be working full-time, I would have told you to take a hike. I would have told you I would live under a bridge before leaving my baby. I would have told you I would never do it – no way, no how! And I would have been wrong.

My husband lost his job at the beginning of February, and a month later with no leads I was calling up my good friend, Mike, who is also a recruiting manager for my previous employer. I left on good terms with the company, having gone on maternity leave and then discontinuing my employment to stay home with my baby (forever, I’d hoped). Mike told me there was a part-time job available from 8:00 pm to 12:00 am and I could have it if I wanted. Luke and I spoke about it and decided it would be a good move: a little extra money coming in and very little time away from Porter. I decided that it would be really tough, but I could do it.

I transitioned easily back to the company. In a way it felt like leaving my regular home to spend some time at my second home. I could do this. I desperately missed putting Porter to bed at night, but I could manage. I still had the whole day with him.

A few weeks later, I started feeling like it would be prudent for our family to have benefits, as our medical coverage from Luke’s former employer ran out at the end of February, and we went through March on prayers that no one would get sick. I then embarked on a hesitant journey of exploring the option of working full-time. I couldn’t believe I was considering it. I second-guessed myself constantly. Were the benefits and extra pay worth the time away from my child? Was I being selfish in wanting that little bit of security for my family?

I considered a graveyard position, working 2:00 am to 10:00 am, thinking somehow I could be Superwoman and work full-time in the middle of the night and then come home and be an effective mother. After a lot of thought, prayer, and scratching out Pros vs. Cons lists, I realized Zombie Mom was not what my son needed.

Our bishop came by our house one evening to let Luke borrow his Bobcat to move some gravel. Bishop and I chatted on the front porch and I had told him of the graveyard shift I was considering. He told me (with the disclaimer that he was advising me not as a church leader, but just his personal opinion) that if he were in my place, he would try to find a normal day job with normal day hours and find a babysitter for Porter. At first, I was shocked – haven’t we been counseled that mothers are primarily responsible for the care and nurturing of their children? How could I be the primary caretaker if I was gone all day, five days a week? My heart hurt and mind raced, but what he said next made sense. He told me that my most important relationship was with my husband. If I was working odd hours, we would essentially become ships that pass in the night, and ships aren’t known for their excellent marriages. Bishop told me that if I could have a good relationship with my husband, things would be okay; if my relationship with him deteriorated, the rest of our family would follow.

I got back in touch with Mike, but of course by this point all of the normal, daytime positions were filled. Slightly exasperated, I said, “Mike! They just need to create an assistant position for you and then you need to interview me for it!” With a smile he replied, “Funny you should say that…”

As it turned out, he had just received approval that day from his boss to create a part-time position that would assist him in his hiring responsibilities. Of course I thought this was great, but I expressed to him that the main reason I was considering transferring from my night shift to a daytime position with the company was to have benefits for my family. The next day, he came back and let me know he could offer it to me full-time, after all.

I still didn’t jump at it. I had wanted to work with Mike just about from the time I first started with the company in the fall of 2008. It was more money per hour and the company had excellent benefits – but could I leave my child? Was I pursuing something out of self-interest? Was I looking for a way to escape the everyday mundane tasks of being a stay-at-home mom? Was I looking for a distraction from the stress at home related to job loss and financial upset? Would Porter hate me forever for leaving him? Would God hate me forever for leaving my son?

I accepted the offer, but still felt slightly unsure. I put up two pictures of Porter at my desk and set a photo of him as the wallpaper on the brand new shiny laptop the company gave me. I left my heart at home each morning when I walked out the door.

It has only been a month, but I am grateful I don’t question myself anymore. I am grateful for the most incredible, sensitive boss I could ever hope to be blessed with. I am grateful for the flexibility this full-time position has offered me. Need to work from home for a few hours because I can’t find a sitter for Porter? No problem. Need to take a few hours off because I need some Mommy time with my best little bud? Take it.

I am also grateful that the Lord prepared me for this difficult decision – one, He knew I would have been too dead set against even a couple of months ago to consider. He helped me transition to a part-time job, and then helped me transition from there to what I had always considered the unthinkable: being a full-time employee and mother.

The key for me has been to realize that I am not the first woman to have to leave her child or children to go to work; nor will I be the last. My own grandmother became a widow when she was 28 years old and was left to raise three young children on her own. Life is hard, and the sooner I get over being offended by that, the more effective I can be. I am a woman. I am a daughter of God who loves and provides for me. I can do this. I can do anything.

It’s hard. Every day it is hard and I am exhausted. This change came at the right time, though. I have just finished nursing Porter for good, so I did not have to give anything up abruptly. I get to put him to bed again at night. I have a few precious hours in the evenings to enjoy his eight-tooth grin and laugh when he speaks his own version of “please” and “thank you”. I know these small things are tender mercies. I still leave my heart at home every day, but my mind is so occupied with my rewarding, busy job that I am left with little time to think of where I’m not. When I am home, though, my time there is very sweet. And best of all, I know my little boy still loves me.



 
Adrienne is the stepmom of 10 year old Austin, the regular mom of 1 year old Porter, and the BFF of Lucas since 2005. She is from Virginia but is currently enjoying life in Provo, Utah. She loves writing, singing, playing video games and making others laugh.

He Makes Me Crazy.

He makes me insane. Like, I want to scream or laugh out of hysteria. He doesn’t listen very well when he thinks he’s being funny, or playing his electric guitar or video games. I always get a dramatic response when I ask him to change a dirty diaper, and I swear I can never get a straight answer out of him. He doesn’t pay attention to the time, and he likes movies that I think are stupid. He makes me crazy.

But I adore him.

I think he’s cute when he’s rocking out on his guitar or jamming on his ukulele (I just know not to say anything important). I love how excited he gets when he’s telling me stories about his teenage years, when he did crazy dangerous things I hope he never tells our sons. I love the way he’s not afraid to break into dance wherever we are – grocery stores included.

He’s a good man. He takes time to play and spend time with our sons; they want to be just like him. He goes on dates with me almost every weekend, even if we have no plan. He stays up late having heart-to-heart conversations with his teenage brothers. When he has hard days and needs someone to talk to, even though I’m not always in the mood to hear about it, I’m his best friend, so I get to be the one that’s there for him – complaining and all; I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I have learned to love him the way he is. I have learned to love the way the sheet on his side of the bed always seems to slip off the corner, and how he unfailingly leaves his shoes in the middle of the living room floor. His quirks and imperfections are what make him him.

Our marriage has not been easy. It hasn’t even been close to the “Happily Ever After” I imagined it would be. We have been through hard times, really hard times, easy times, sad times, fun times, trying times, wonderful times, disappointing times, frustrating times, and did I mention hard times? Of course, all the good times are in there, too… but those I expected.

Do I love him more now than I did the day we were married? Yes. Am I a better person now than I was before he was a part of my life? Absolutely! Am I becoming the woman I want to be? Yep! Even more so than I could have anticipated!

“…marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)”

Ordained of God! No wonder marriage can be so amazing, and I have found so much joy in it, despite the difficult times. I know that without my Heavenly Father, I probably wouldn’t appreciate the trials in my marriage that have brought me so much growth. I know that my marriage is ordained of God, and that gives me enough hope and strength to get through the hard (especially the really hard) times. I look forward to an eternity with my silly, handsome, imperfect husband!


Alicia is a married, mother of two boys ages two and four years old and is expecting her third in May. She grew up on the island of Kaua’i where her parents still live after 22 years. She enjoys photography and meeting up with friends at the local Applebees for Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Shooters.