The Need to Work When Your Heart Says 'Home'

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Working. Mom. The two are just about synonymous to me. Show me a mom that doesn’t work and I’ll show you how I can glow in the dark. Now if you’re meaning a woman who is a mom AND an employee at the same time, we can talk. I’ve recently entered that realm, myself.

My entire life my plan was to be a stay-at-home mom. Sure I would dream of being a veterinarian, a disc jockey or a storm chaser for a while – but I knew my career would be motherhood, and it was never a question. The path wasn’t smooth, but I made it; a divorce, second marriage, two miscarriages, and nearly two and a half years of trying to conceive and I finally become a mother just a few short weeks before my 26^th birthday (I always figured I’d be about on my third kid by that age). So really, I shouldn’t have been surprised when I found myself needing to go back to work full-time, right?

Wrong.

Dead wrong.

If you had told me two or three months ago that I would soon be working full-time, I would have told you to take a hike. I would have told you I would live under a bridge before leaving my baby. I would have told you I would never do it – no way, no how! And I would have been wrong.

My husband lost his job at the beginning of February, and a month later with no leads I was calling up my good friend, Mike, who is also a recruiting manager for my previous employer. I left on good terms with the company, having gone on maternity leave and then discontinuing my employment to stay home with my baby (forever, I’d hoped). Mike told me there was a part-time job available from 8:00 pm to 12:00 am and I could have it if I wanted. Luke and I spoke about it and decided it would be a good move: a little extra money coming in and very little time away from Porter. I decided that it would be really tough, but I could do it.

I transitioned easily back to the company. In a way it felt like leaving my regular home to spend some time at my second home. I could do this. I desperately missed putting Porter to bed at night, but I could manage. I still had the whole day with him.

A few weeks later, I started feeling like it would be prudent for our family to have benefits, as our medical coverage from Luke’s former employer ran out at the end of February, and we went through March on prayers that no one would get sick. I then embarked on a hesitant journey of exploring the option of working full-time. I couldn’t believe I was considering it. I second-guessed myself constantly. Were the benefits and extra pay worth the time away from my child? Was I being selfish in wanting that little bit of security for my family?

I considered a graveyard position, working 2:00 am to 10:00 am, thinking somehow I could be Superwoman and work full-time in the middle of the night and then come home and be an effective mother. After a lot of thought, prayer, and scratching out Pros vs. Cons lists, I realized Zombie Mom was not what my son needed.

Our bishop came by our house one evening to let Luke borrow his Bobcat to move some gravel. Bishop and I chatted on the front porch and I had told him of the graveyard shift I was considering. He told me (with the disclaimer that he was advising me not as a church leader, but just his personal opinion) that if he were in my place, he would try to find a normal day job with normal day hours and find a babysitter for Porter. At first, I was shocked – haven’t we been counseled that mothers are primarily responsible for the care and nurturing of their children? How could I be the primary caretaker if I was gone all day, five days a week? My heart hurt and mind raced, but what he said next made sense. He told me that my most important relationship was with my husband. If I was working odd hours, we would essentially become ships that pass in the night, and ships aren’t known for their excellent marriages. Bishop told me that if I could have a good relationship with my husband, things would be okay; if my relationship with him deteriorated, the rest of our family would follow.

I got back in touch with Mike, but of course by this point all of the normal, daytime positions were filled. Slightly exasperated, I said, “Mike! They just need to create an assistant position for you and then you need to interview me for it!” With a smile he replied, “Funny you should say that…”

As it turned out, he had just received approval that day from his boss to create a part-time position that would assist him in his hiring responsibilities. Of course I thought this was great, but I expressed to him that the main reason I was considering transferring from my night shift to a daytime position with the company was to have benefits for my family. The next day, he came back and let me know he could offer it to me full-time, after all.

I still didn’t jump at it. I had wanted to work with Mike just about from the time I first started with the company in the fall of 2008. It was more money per hour and the company had excellent benefits – but could I leave my child? Was I pursuing something out of self-interest? Was I looking for a way to escape the everyday mundane tasks of being a stay-at-home mom? Was I looking for a distraction from the stress at home related to job loss and financial upset? Would Porter hate me forever for leaving him? Would God hate me forever for leaving my son?

I accepted the offer, but still felt slightly unsure. I put up two pictures of Porter at my desk and set a photo of him as the wallpaper on the brand new shiny laptop the company gave me. I left my heart at home each morning when I walked out the door.

It has only been a month, but I am grateful I don’t question myself anymore. I am grateful for the most incredible, sensitive boss I could ever hope to be blessed with. I am grateful for the flexibility this full-time position has offered me. Need to work from home for a few hours because I can’t find a sitter for Porter? No problem. Need to take a few hours off because I need some Mommy time with my best little bud? Take it.

I am also grateful that the Lord prepared me for this difficult decision – one, He knew I would have been too dead set against even a couple of months ago to consider. He helped me transition to a part-time job, and then helped me transition from there to what I had always considered the unthinkable: being a full-time employee and mother.

The key for me has been to realize that I am not the first woman to have to leave her child or children to go to work; nor will I be the last. My own grandmother became a widow when she was 28 years old and was left to raise three young children on her own. Life is hard, and the sooner I get over being offended by that, the more effective I can be. I am a woman. I am a daughter of God who loves and provides for me. I can do this. I can do anything.

It’s hard. Every day it is hard and I am exhausted. This change came at the right time, though. I have just finished nursing Porter for good, so I did not have to give anything up abruptly. I get to put him to bed again at night. I have a few precious hours in the evenings to enjoy his eight-tooth grin and laugh when he speaks his own version of “please” and “thank you”. I know these small things are tender mercies. I still leave my heart at home every day, but my mind is so occupied with my rewarding, busy job that I am left with little time to think of where I’m not. When I am home, though, my time there is very sweet. And best of all, I know my little boy still loves me.



 
Adrienne is the stepmom of 10 year old Austin, the regular mom of 1 year old Porter, and the BFF of Lucas since 2005. She is from Virginia but is currently enjoying life in Provo, Utah. She loves writing, singing, playing video games and making others laugh.

I’ll Forever Be Grateful I “Hearkened”

Since the birth of my baby I would nurse her at night in bed. One night last week I had fallen asleep while feeding her and was in a deep sleep. I was dreaming and remember smelling the sweetest smell I have ever known.  And in a split second that sweet smell was changed to a burning smell. Almost as if someone was holding smelling salts to my nose. It abruptly woke me out of my sleep and I noticed I was smothering my baby and her arm was under me so she couldn't move. I panicked and picked her up and started moving her around to make sure she was breathing. She moved and awoke. Then I knew she was okay. I burst into tears with the guilt of what I could have done within just minutes or even seconds. I know without a doubt it was the Holy Ghost working his wonders to wake me to protect my infant.
I was so shaken I went to the living room to rock my baby and I just sobbed.

While sitting there I said a thankful pray in my heart to my Heavenly Father for the Holy Ghost and the wondrous ways He works. As I sat there, I remembered the talk I had just listened to during General Conference that previous Sunday by Dieter F. Uchtdorf. This quote stood out in my mind. "Let us learn to hearken to the promptings of the Spirit and then be eager to heed them."

It is estimated that an average of 64 babies under two years old die each year while sleeping with parents. Since that night I get out of bed to nurse my baby. Us busy mom's especially with more than one child do all we can to get sleep. But this experience taught me sleep is not worth the risk of my baby's life. I will always be thankful I was able to hearken and heed to the Spirit’s command.




Melissa is a mother of six, with only one son, ages 17 to 4 months old. She grew up in Roy UT and moved to Eagle Mountain when she married her sweet husband 4 years ago. She enjoys doing crafts of any kind and photography. She currently does not hold a calling in her ward but gives service any time she can.

Simple Promptings

Do you ever have those experiences? Those ones that make you pause and wonder how many promptings you really do receive during the day?  And how many you actually listen to? And how many you do listen to that you might never even realize that you were inspired?

Well, I’d like to share a special one that happened to me. A few years ago, when my first baby was about 5 months old, it was a regular ol’ Sunday and we were in a rush to get to early morning church. You know, 9 o’clock can be rough, right?

This particular day, my husband had to give a talk, and I had to participate in a musical number with the primary. We both wanted to be there a little early to feel prepared, so we were getting ready as fast as we could. At the church, I stopped in the primary room to practice my song, and my husband ran to sit on the stand before the meeting started. My song practice was over just as sacrament meeting was about to begin. I hurried into the chapel and suddenly realized that I had not arranged for someone to take care of my baby while I went up for the musical number. I supposed I could give him to my husband, who would be sitting on the stand, but I was worried about him being fussy.

I quickly spotted a young couple sitting on a side row. An empty bench was open in front of them, so I hurried and sat down. They did not have any children, and we were only acquaintances, but I felt like I could ask her to hold my baby.  I turned around and whispered of my favor to her just as the meeting started. She responded with, "I'd love to."

As the meeting progressed, I noticed that her husband's arm was around her and she was crying. I felt bad. She seemed to be sad. Maybe she wasn’t feeling well or maybe she was having a bad day. I wondered about my request and if it was appropriate, but I felt like everything would be okay.

The time for the musical number came and she reached out for my baby. She and her husband played and laughed with him throughout the song as he smiled up at them. I watched as I was singing. When I returned to my seat, they continued to hold him, cuddle him, and play until it was time for him to eat. She had a big smile on her face when she handed him back. 

I then went to the Mothers’ Lounge for the rest of Sacrament meeting, so I did not see her immediately afterwards to officially thank her for her help. Finally, after the block was over, I ran into her and was able to thank her for holding him during Sacrament meeting.

She told me, with tears brimming in her eyes, that she was very grateful that I had asked her. She said that she had been struggling with fertility issues for a couple of years and how she longed to be a Mother. She just started working with a fertility specialist, and without going into details, explained that they were now hopeful about getting pregnant. Things were going well, and all signs were pointing toward success with this last go-around. They were pretty sure that she had been able to become pregnant.

The doctor told her that if she was pregnant, that a pregnancy test this very morning would be able to tell her if she really was.  So she took the test before church, and sadly received a negative result that shattered their hopes. To make things worse, it was Mother’s Day. She said she was extremely emotional and almost did not come to church. She had a strong feeling though, that something would happen to let her know that God loved her and was mindful of her sorrow.

She then told me that holding my baby was exactly what she needed and was the comfort that the Lord provided to her. How grateful she was that I had asked her for that simple favor. It filled her heart with love and peace and she knew that the Lord would provide a child when the time was right. We both hugged and cried. I was amazed and grateful that something so simple was actually a prompting.  It was such a neat experience and such a tender mercy for the both of us to realize how much the Lord loves us and is mindful of us. I’m grateful for a loving Father in Heaven and for His trust in me that day.  I’m so grateful for the power of the Holy Ghost. I was so humbled at what I learned from this sweet sister and her faith in receiving an answer and her faith in God's love. I felt like I too, was blessed from this experience.



Natalie is a wife of a handsome farmer, a mother to two adorable boys, and expecting another baby in September. She is passionate about the roles of women and is currently living her dream job as a Doula - www.doulanataliesue.yolasite.com. In her spare time, she attends births (humans, cows, and cats), teaches dance in her small town, and loves to sing.

Finding Joy in the Journey – Now.

*Originally published on Nov. 8, 2008, republished on Pearls with permission.
 
A couple days ago I read over the 4 talks President Monson gave at the most recent LDS General Conference and wrote down his words of counsel. One of his talks was about "finding joy in the journey--now" and not letting our lives pass us by without appreciating what we have. He said, "With gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days--as much as we can--with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed."

I have found myself getting frustrated with Sydney for somehow getting in my way when I want to do something. I don't like feeling that way, and I am trying to replace those feelings with gratitude and remember that she needs me to love and care for her more than I need to run an errand or take a shower or even sleep. She is a wonderful baby, and I have no reason to get frustrated with her.

I also am taking to heart the counsel of one of my home teachers. He said to always expect your child to have sleep problems and then you won't be surprised and worried when she wakes during the night. Sydney has actually had WONDERFUL sleep habits, but every night I remember that thought and expect her to wake up. When she doesn't, I am well pleased, and if she does, I want to be okay with it.

So this morning at 4:30am when I heard Sydney struggling to sleep, I got her from her crib and snuggled with her in the glider chair. It was one of the sweetest moments I've had with her. I was tired but not at all frustrated. She was just cold and in need of a little lovin'. As we rocked in the darkness I said a prayer in my mind, thanking my Heavenly Father for my beautiful baby girl and telling him how glad I am that I am her mother and know what she needs and can soothe her cries. I love her so much. She was asleep well before I put her back in her crib, but I was just appreciating the Prophet's words of finding joy in my life now.

Remembering that taking care of Sydney is what the Lord wants of me right now really helps me every day. Thinking of it as my job makes it sound menial and rough. I try to cherish the time I have with her and enjoy how she makes me feel. I spend some time every day looking in her eyes and playing with her hands and making her laugh. I don't need to read a book every time I feed her a bottle. I can just feed her and love her.
It has taken me longer than I expected to feel so enamored with motherhood as I now feel, but I am so glad to have arrived here. I know it will not always be so blissful, but I will work on keeping the proper perspective.

 Cami is a happy military wife and mother to two sweet girls, ages one (today!) and nearly 3. She has lived in Texas, Utah, and California twice each. She enjoys taking her kids on daily outings and believes every lunch and dinner should end with chocolate.

Why Do I Feel Like This?

from flickr, by slunchitze

I had a wonderful childhood full of love and support. I was taught about my Heavenly Father and how much he loved me from the start. I never questioned if I was loved or where I belonged in this world…Yet, the first time I remember feeling “uneasy” was when I was 8 years old. I just wanted to hide from the world, and had this unexplainable sinking feeling in my gut. I felt all alone and scared. That was the day I was baptized. I hid away from all the people who came to support me, and couldn’t figure out what was happening to me.

Nothing more happened until Jr. High. From there that “feeling” seemed to follow me everywhere I went. It influenced every decision I made. It made me feel worthless, and unintelligent. It made me feel ugly, and alone. On the outside I managed to keep it all together. No one knew the pain I was going through. I truly thought I was the only one who had ever felt this way.

Fast forward a few years to the birth of our first child. I was really sick through the entire pregnancy and that “feeling” was at its worst. She came 2 weeks early and was very sick. She spent 5 days in the NICU, and came home with lots of chords and medicines to keep her healthy. That first week was the longest of my life. This adorable, perfect, absolutely beautiful creature didn’t feel like mine. I felt so disconnected. I watched my husband with her and it was so beautiful. They connected instantly.

The next few weeks were a blur. I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything and was absolutely terrified of being left alone with her. I cried every single day. Why didn’t I feel like her mother? One night when she was about 6 weeks old my husband I got in a fight because he was so sick of doing everything on his own. He got up with her at night, he changed her diapers, he cleaned the house, and still went to work every day. I wish I could’ve told him what I was going though, but I couldn’t find the words, so I left. I got in the car and drove away.

I seriously considered ending my life. My husband panicked and called my mom to watch our daughter and found me basically comatose in a parking lot and took me home. The very next day was my 6 week check up, so my husband stayed home from work to make sure I talked about everything with my doctor. Very grudgingly I started talking anti-depressants.

Over the next couple of weeks I felt this fog lifting. I was able to see the beauty in everyday life. When Mara spit up all over the place, I was glad she could get her bubbles out. When she screamed because her tummy hurt, I knew she needed me to help her feel better. I was her mother. No one could take my place.
As I got further along in my recovery from post partum depression, I realized that what I had been experiencing my entire life truly was depression. I could finally see my life for what it was: something beautiful and inspired. I had a loving Heavenly Father who sent me here to experience these trials and become a better person.

Sometimes I let myself wonder, “why me?” But that gets me nowhere. I know that is Satan trying to influence me. I can’t let him win. As the fog lifted I was able to draw closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. I could feel of their love for me, and their support as I experience this trial.
When I start feeling bad again I have to remind myself that everything has a purpose. This trial is here to teach me something. Most importantly, that Heavenly Father did not send me here without any resources to help me get through this. He has blessed us all with the Atonement, with prophets, with the scriptures, family, friends, the priesthood, modern day medicines, and so much more. He loves us. He wants us to succeed.

 
Brittani is the mother of the two cutest kids on the planet (ask anyone) and married to her childhood sweetheart. She is semi-obsessed with reading, and has a bunch of hobbies like quilting.

Talk to me Tuesday-Marie Holleman

Today, we are lucky to hear from an amazing woman, mother and author. She is also the brains behind a great site called the Mother Myths Tribe. Feel free to visit her site HERE after reading her interview.

Pearls: First off, what exactly is the "Mother Myths Tribe", and what inspired you to start it?

Marie: Mother Myths Tribe is a place where moms can come together and talk about the good things and the hard things about motherhood. Just being totally open and authentic with out any fear of judgement. What I have learned about motherhood is that it is the greatest accelerator for learning and growing. That all of the hard things about motherhood are given to us so we can learn from them and become more than we would have been with out them.

I started by writing a book called "Confessions of the Everyday Mother" which is just a collection of all my experiences as a mother. Through writing that book I started to feel what I now know as my "soul purpose". In starting a website for moms at first I thought it was just about giving moms a place to chat, but what I came to realize is that I feel deeply connected to serving those moms who feel like they are drowning in motherhood.

Not every mother feels that way, but between cleaning, cooking teaching wiping noses and trying to be everything to everyone, a lot of mothers get lost. They start to see the challenges as a sign that they are not good enough, and looking around see perfection in everyone else but themselves, and start to question whether or not they are really doing what God would want them to do or if they are just a big failure. They see the hard times as a sign of their weakness, where as I see them as a chance for us to just get stronger. Those mothers are the ones who are in my "tribe". Through the things I have learned, I hope to give other mothers the hope that they can make it through, the voice to speak their truth, the tools to learn what to do with the hard times and the knowledge that they are not alone.

Pearls: What do you think is a myth that many women have come to believe?

Marie: Oh man! There are so many....the biggest one is that there is such a thing as perfection (in this mortal life anyways and especially in motherhood). I don't believe in perfection in motherhood, and I don't believe in the word failure. Everything is just a stepping stone and a chance to learn and move forward. So many times we are striving for perfection in motherhood and when we don't make it we just decide we have failed. When in reality, we are striving for something that doesn't exist and when we decide we are a failure we miss the chance to learn what Heavenly Father is REALLY trying to teach us.

Pearls: What are 3 things you love about Texas?

Marie: I love a LOT of things about Texas, one is the weather. Some people hate how hot it gets, but I LOVE the heat and I love the winters here.

I LOVE the bluebonnets in the spring!

Most of what I love about Texas is that my life is here. My husband loves his job, we have great friends here, and we are here.

Pearls: Something you dislike about Texas?

Marie: I don't like the mosquito's! But that's not just in Texas, and I miss those who aren't here....

Pearls: What are some of your hobbies and when do you find the time to do them?

Marie: Most moms (and people in general) see their time in scarcity. I on the other hand have an ABUNDANCE of time, and I still don't know how....

I LOVE TV and movies. I know its silly, but I think in another life I would be a movie and TV producer and writer. I love watching how they lay out story lines, and the camera angles. I love critiquing them and deciding how they could make them even better. I have always wanted to start a consulting company where I tell them how to tweak their movies and TV story lines and "fix" them.

I love to go out to eat, I love girls night outs, I love photography and video editing. A lot of it I do when they are napping or sleeping at night, somethings I can do with them, like photography and video editing, and as for the rest I make sure that make a little time for me. You cant serve from an empty pitcher so I make sure mine is full....

Pearls: What are some things that you do everyday to keep the spirit in your home?

Marie: I will say I am not perfect at this, but things we do are reading scriptures at night, and praying in the car on the way to school. The best advice I ever got about this was to make sure that Jesus Christ was a part of every day conversation. Sometimes we think we have to be careful when using His name so we end up not using it often, but I add it in as we talk about bugs, and the weather, and how grateful I am that Jesus gave me them, and about kindness, and how Jesus gave them their fingers.

Pearls: What is something interesting about yourself? ( ex. quirks, things you like or dislike, clothing you like to wear)

Marie: Quirks....hmmmm.....I don't love pajamas, so 90% of the time my kids wear their clothes for the next day to bed....why make more laundry and take more time for just a few hours of sleeping right? Most people think that's weird....

I also am coaching for a company called called Paid to Play Academy for 5 hours a week which I LOVE, and started another website and piece of this puzzle called Revolution Motherhood. It is always growing and expanding, it's fun and crazy as I just keep moving forward and following this path and LIVING my life. Where as I used to just let my life live me.

Pearls: Where is your favorite spot in the whole world?

Marie: I love a lot of places and hope to see the whole world so I can really decide, but honestly, I do just LOVE my house.

Pearls: Do you have a church calling? If so, what is it?

Marie: I just got called to teach the 14 yr old kids Sunday school. I was in primary, and will really miss my class, but I'm excited to connect with this new group of kids.

Pearls: How do you balance life with 4 kids, blogging, hobbies, church, mothering, school, etc...?

Marie: I take things as they come and live in the moment. Otherwise I am so overwhelmed thinking about the past and worrying about the future. I have an amazing support group, especially my husband and kids, and I know that anything that is handed to me I can conquer with my best friend....Jesus Christ. I know it sounds cheesy and over said, but I have had experience after experience, especially lately that have just reminded me that I get to rely on Him and Him alone! motherhood is part of His plan and He has set it up so that we can become exactly who He planned us to be through it! Even and especially THROUGH the juggling and balancing act called motherhood and life!

My Wedding Ring

One time, I lost my wedding ring. I went to put it on one morning, and it was just gone! I had never lost it before because I always put it away when I didn't have it on. I always took it off at night and kept it in its box.
I asked my kids where it was. They were saying it was lost down the bathtub drain, and they were quite sure. I was so scared that I would have to tell my husband it was gone forever so we kept searching. Mind you, this was no pleasant search for the children. I was ranting and raving because I was so nervous. We were searching frantically, but the kids and I couldn’t find it.
At one point, I was so upset and was in the middle of swinging my hand down to spank my daughter when I strongly felt this wasn't the right thing to do, so I stopped and said, “We are going to pray.”
We knelt down, and I asked my daughter to say the prayer. After the prayer, my daughter was inspired to walk down the hall to her room and there she found the ring on her night stand. It was in plain sight! It turns out that she was truly inspired and guided by her faith, not mine. I felt so blessed that we resorted to prayer instead of spanking.



Michelle is the mother of 6 amazing children. She was raised a member of The Church. She has a wonderful husband. She believes in prayer and in miracles.

Everyday Advice

As a mother who has all of her children out of the house, I know how easy it is to say, “Enjoy your kids. They grow up too fast.” I heard this many times when my kids were young. I remember thinking “Yeah, right. It doesn’t feel like it’s going by very fast.”
I had 4 kids. My youngest was born when my oldest one was eight. So you can imagine that our house was very chaotic, and messy! The following is some of the best advice that I received as I was raising my children.

Remember to pray. During chaotic and stressful times, remember to take some time to yourself and say a prayer. When my oldest was only three, I remember locking myself in my room to say a prayer. When she would knock on the door, I would tell her that I am saying my prayers. She understood this even at age 3, and left me alone for a few minutes.

Whenever possible, have a Calgon moment. You younger girls won’t remember this, but there is a bubble bath called Calgon, and the commercial’s slogan was, “Calgon, take me away.” Take a bubble bath when your husband or someone can watch the kids, or after they have gone to bed. Relax and visualize a peaceful place.
Do something during the week that is just for you. That might be taking a class, enjoying a sport, a book club, etc. My sister gave me this advice. She liked to play Volleyball once a week. I took a choral conducting class. This led to me getting an Associate’s Degree in Choral Conducting, which led to a Bachelor’s Degree in Music Education. It took me 10 years to finish, but I enjoyed the process.

Play. I would rather go to the park, library, zoo and play with my kids than clean the house.

Don’t stress about having a spotless house. We all know that kids are going to make messes, so if you stress about having a spotless house, you are only adding more stress, due to the fact that the kids will just mess it up again after you clean. Then you end up yelling at the kids for messing up the house, and then you feel guilty for yelling at your kids when they were just being kids. When my kids were little, we usually had a messy house. Yes, we had chore charts, which they hated and every one had to do their part. One thing that worked well on occasion would be for me to give the kids a list of jobs to do. Their motivation for finishing the jobs in a timely manner was that I would give them money for their jobs and then we would go to the mall for them to spend their money.

Laugh. Try to find the humor in the little mishaps of life. I love Marie Osmond’s saying, “You’re going to laugh about it later, might as well laugh now.”
Our children are our most precious gift from Heavenly Father. We have been given charge over them for a very short time. If we make the most of this time, and teach them by example, they will give us a lifetime of joy that will continue in the hereafter.

Lori is the mother of 4 children and the grandmother of 2. She is a junior high choir teacher who loves to sing, shop, spend time with her family and listen to Harry Potter books on tape.

Picket Fences

The baby keeps splashing in the dogs' water bowl, and his pajamas are soaked up his right arm. I take him from the kitchen and place him in the living room, where he makes a beeline (seriously, who crawls that fast?) for the computer power strip where he innately knows the precise location of the on/off switch. Before I can move, he shuts down the computer on which I had just been working on an unsaved spreadsheet calculating our impossible bills. My stepson unknowingly tracks in dog poo on the bottom of his dad's much-too-large shoes that he had to wear - instead of his own, which fit perfectly, by the way - as he comes back inside from fetching a log from the woodpile for the fireplace. The dogs are at the front window barking at intruders that don't exist, and my husband comes into the kitchen looking for one of his innumerable magically disappearing tape measures, tracking in an obscene amount of sawdust that he has brought through all the hallways from the workshop. The pot on the Only-Two-Out-Of-Four-Burners-Work stove can now commence bubbling over.

This is where I have to stop and remind myself: this is what I've always wanted. No, seriously. You know, the thing about white picket fences is that you never see the splinters in the hands of those who built them. A baby whose greatest joy is making a mess of the dogs' water means I am finally a mother. I have the blessing and responsibility of raising and molding this amazing person that Heavenly Father has seen fit to send to me, even if we did have to wait on hold with the Heavenly Babies hotline longer than most people before we could place our order. A stepson who tracks in a mess for me to clean up is that same stepson who willingly, even eagerly, accepts chores because he honestly just wants to help. Barking dogs mean warm, soft, wagging bodies that still love you even at four in the afternoon and you still haven't gotten dressed or brushed your teeth. A husband who has almost single-handedly supported the tape measure industry means I have an eternal companion. That's right, a true best friend forever.

You see, when it comes down to it, what we perceive as our greatest burdens may in actuality be our greatest blessings. It all depends on the point of view to which you choose to subscribe. Over the past few years, I have challenged myself to a great personal exercise to try and maintain an eternal perspective. What does it matter if I have to put the fifth outfit in twenty-four hours on my little boy because he decided to dump all the water out of the dog bowl, again? It doesn't, because I got some really cute pictures; pictures to freeze a moment in time where his hands are still smaller than mine and his entertainment is free. For, as sore as slivers are, and as much as paint sticks to my skin, I am working on the prettiest fence I never could have imagined.

Adrienne is the stepmom of 10 year old Austin, the regular mom of 1 year old Porter, and the BFF of Lucas since 2005. She is from Virginia but is currently enjoying life in Provo, Utah. She loves writing, singing, playing video games and making others laugh.

Creative Thinking

Just like many of you, our family was hit hard by the economy last year. My husband lost his job, and without any formal education, he was finding it difficult to find any employment. With much prayer and thought, we decided that it was best for him to go back to school. I had been a stay at home mom up until this point, but I knew that something needed to be done to help support my family during this time. I thought of getting a job, but I had a nursing baby and a two year old that I felt I could not leave yet. I had to start getting creative about what to do for money. I thought about talents that I had, and I made a list of things I thought could help me make an income for my family. My list looked something like this
1. Sewing
2. Crafts
3. Music
4. Teaching Children
I prayed about what I could do, and decided to try my hand at sewing. I started an online business for my handmade baby items, and tried to see if I could make any money. Although I was making a small income from this, I realized that it was nowhere near enough. I continued to pray, pleading with Heavenly Father to help me to know what to do. I thought about starting an in-home day care, but my house was just too small to accommodate many children. A few weeks later, I received a call from a friend in my ward. She told me that she was starting a day care out of her home and wanted me to be her partner. I knew that this was the answer to my prayer! I was able to be with my children and work to provide for them as well! Our day care is still going strong and it has proved to be a huge blessing in our life. I know that Heavenly Father heard and answered my prayers and helped me to know what to do.

Carli is a wife and a mother of two children ages 1 and 3. She loves to read, write and hang out with friends. She dislikes winter and just wants to be warm at all times! She is so excited to be involved in this blog and hopes that it helps many women.

He Answered My Plea for Help

After two nights of croup, my 3 year old was exhausted. Very late on the third night he could hardly catch his breath and I was an exhausted mess. I had tried steaming up the bathroom and bundling him up and taking him into the cold, winter night air, but nothing seemed to be helping. I was running out of options and energy. That was it, even though we didn’t have a penny to spare, we would have to take him into the ER. I couldn’t stand another moment watching my baby suffer. My husband bundled my helpless 3 year-old into his car seat and I left instructions for my brother in laws to listen for our sleeping 2 year old.
The ride to the hospital couldn’t be more than 7 or 8 minutes but it felt so much longer with my mind racing. How were we going to pay for this? Even with insurance, I knew it would cost us more than I wanted to think about. Were we doing the right thing? Was I overreacting?
As the gasping beside me slightly subsided I wondered if the fit has passed, and if I really was overreacting. But remembering the past few nights and the look of terror in his eyes as he couldn’t catch his breath made me eyes fill with tears. At the very least, I had to know what was wrong and make sure I was doing everything I possibly could for him.
We were almost to the ER and honestly, I didn’t feel good about it. But what else could we do? No Urgent Cares were open and I felt like I had exhausted all of our other resources. This was the most logical thing to do. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
By now his breathing was almost back to normal, but I knew it was only a matter of time until his coughing would overwhelm him again.
Venting my thoughts to my husband, he patiently listened to me asking questions here and there, but it became apparent he was letting me make the final decision.
I told him to head for home.
Again, my mind started racing and I began doubting myself all over again… I honestly didn’t know what to do.
“Pull over,” I told him. “We need to pray. I don’t know what to do.”
We did. It was a simple, pleading prayer to know the right thing to do for our son.
As soon as we finished, I had a peaceful feeling come over me with the words spoken to my mind, “He will be okay.”
I asked my husband what his impression was and he told me, “I think he will be okay.”
I was overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude to receive such a straight forward answer. I said a silent prayer of thanks, as we went home.
My son had little fits here and there, but that was the last night of croup. He was okay.
How grateful I am that Heavenly Father is there to help me raise my children! I know I cannot do it alone. How grateful I am that He knows all and understands so much more than I do! I am grateful for that experience because it solidified my testimony that Heavenly Father is there for me in all aspects, including parenting. It increased my own understanding of the love Heavenly Father has for each of us, and He will answer our prayers, even immediately, when we need him.

Alicia is a married, mother of two boys ages two and four years old and is expecting her third in May. She grew up on the island of Kaua’i where her parents still live after 22 years. She enjoys photography and meeting up with friends at the local Applebees for Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Shooters.