Safety and Peace

When I found out my husband would be deploying for a third time, I was devastated.

We had only been married 8 months. He had just gotten back from a deployment to Iraq 9 months earlier. It didn’t help that we just found out I was pregnant. I felt angry. How could Heavenly Father do this to us? I know it is my husband’s job to deploy, but I just wasn’t ready for it so soon. I felt fearful for my husband’s safety. All I could think about was what if he gets hurt? What if he gets killed? It was all I could think about 6 months before he deployed. I remember many sleepless nights trying to get horrible images of him dying out of my head.

Two weeks before he deployed we went to his parents’ house. His father asked if he wanted a blessing. The blessing specifically told my husband that if he lived the gospel, he would be able to preserve his life and the life of his men. This was an answer to my prayers.

After the blessing I was able to relax. I knew that everything was going to be ok. My husband would come home safe. My mother in law recorded the blessing and printed out copies for me and my husband. I look at the blessing at least once a month.

I have the wonderful gift of feeling at peace when my husband is in a war zone. I remember one time when my husband’s unit was on a blackout (A blackout is when someone gets wounded or killed and the army shuts down all forms of communication). I hadn’t talked to my husband in over a week. This was very abnormal. Even though I felt sad that I wasn’t able to talk to him, I felt comfort in knowing he was safe.

I feel very blessed that Heavenly Father gave my husband such an amazing promise. I know that my husband will be safe until he comes home. I feel so blessed to have the priesthood in my life. I am so grateful for fathers blessing. I know they come from Heavenly Father. He loves each and every one of us.

Katherine is a stay at home mom to an adorable 6 month old. She loves being a mom. She is currently going back to school to become a radiology technician. She has been married to her husband for two years. Her husband gets home from his third deployment in less then a month.

Running On Empty

When I was in college, me and a coupe of friends decided to drive from our home in California out to Utah for general conference.

The drive was going perfectly for a while. We were dancing to N'Sync, singing and talking all about how great it would be to attend conference in person. When we reached Vegas, we still had plenty of gas and decided to try and reach St. George, UT before refilling our tank. Let's just say that we severely underestimated how far it was to get from point A to point B. In the middle of the desert, we passed a gas station, but the gas was so expensive and we still thought that we could make it to the next big town.

As we got closer to St. George, the car started protesting as it was in desperate need for fuel. My friend suggested that we say a prayer to make it safely to the next town for gas. The car was starting to putter to a stop when we spotted a gas station in the distance. We ended up coasting into the station as the tank was absolutely empty. As we pulled into the station, scared and grateful at the same time, my friend noticed that the gas at this station was about a dollar cheaper than the gas out in the desert. Having a great sense of humor, my friend stated "I think that Heavenly Father just wanted us to save on gas money, so he got us here!"

I was so grateful that we were able to fill our tank and make it to conference in time. I also learned not to procrastinate the next time we needed fuel. I know that this is such a small experience, but it really helped to build my faith in Heavenly Father and to know that he was mindful of me.

Carli

Talk to me Tuesday- Tiffany Bird

Meet Tiffany from Simply Modern Mom . She is a very talented mother of 2 beautiful (soon to be 3) little girls, that was looking for more than her motherly duties!  Check out how she shares how to make the most out of our lives by simplifying it! She shares tips on how to make crafts, how to simplify throwing a party for kids, and even how to make traveling with kids more enjoyable!  Don't forget to look into her new challenge of 2011: Glimpse into Motherhood!

 
Pearls: First, How did you come up with Simply Modern Mom? 



Tiffany: After adjusting to being a mother of two, I came to the realization that I spent most of my days feeding people and changing diapers. I knew that was part of being a mother, but I also knew I had more in me as a woman. I had a degree in print journalism and loved writing. So I first started Simply Modern Mom as a way to share my crafty ideas. And since there were a ton of crafty sites out there, I decided to change focus to something I was passionate about and knew could help others. So I redirected Simply Modern Mom to become a site that simplified the lives of modern moms. I never did give up the crafty stuff, I just added the mom stuff on top of it.



Easter Tutorial: Check out her weekly craft tutorial on Tiffany's blog!



Pearls: Last year you did a '52 dates' challenge, What did you learn from that experience and any tips for those that would want to try it out?

Tiffany: Project 52: Date Nights was one of the best things we've done for our marriage. It was an entire year of getting to know each other and coming up with weekly fun yet simple dates we did mostly at home. And best of all, we came out in the end with 52 wonderful date memories from last year. We learned so much about each other even though we've been married for a few years now. And it was our time to spend alone with each other, not having to worry about the kids. And my tip for those who want to try it would be to not give up. There will be weeks when both of your schedules are just insane and can't seem to fit in a date. Or you end up missing a date here or there. That's OK. Just pick it back up and keep going with it. It shows how much you value time with each other. And remember to keep it simple.

Pearls: What specials/ focuses are you doing on the blog this year?

Tiffany: I am always focused on creating posts that help simplify our busy lives with tips and lists. I am also often sharing tutorials of things I've made. This year, my big thing will be the reveal of my girls' bedroom makeover. And the Project 52 I am doing this year is a photography goal of featuring one photo a week of my Glimpse Into Motherhood.

Pearls: What do you enjoy most about blogging @ Simply Modern Mom?

Tiffany: Connecting with other mothers and getting to know my readers. I love it when people leave comments and share their ideas and stories with me. And whenever I receive personal emails from readers giving me feedback it makes my day.

Pearls: What are 3 things you like to do, 'just for you'?

Tiffany: (1) hang out with good friends (2) create and craft (3) learning and trying new things


Pearls: Do you have any tips on how to keep the spirit in your home on a daily basis?

Tiffany: Pray. Lots of praying. It's the only times when I can get my kids to be kind of reverent in our home. And I am also not afraid to talk about gospel topics with my children. This helps them to apply what they learned at church on Sunday. We would take what they learned on Sunday and bring it up here and there, without being overbearing, throughout the week.


Pearls: What are some things that you do with your girls to help them begin their testimony building?

Tiffany: I think one of the best ways for children, or anyone, to develop testimonies is to try to provide spiritual experiences. Give them opportunities to feel the spirit and then help them identify that it's the spirit they are feeling. For example, we recently had the rare opportunity to attend the open house of the newly remodeled Atlanta Temple. We took our kids there and they were able to walk through the inside of a temple. I don't think children are ever too young to create spiritual memories. 


Don't forget to visit Tiffany at Simply Modern Mom!

He Eased My Mind

I was having a really difficult time with a certain person in my life. There was a huge lack of communication in our relationship and I was constantly feeling upset and frustrated because I didn’t know what I could possibly say to this person without it turning unpleasant. The mere thought of this person and all the hurt and dishonesty got my blood boiling – and I hated the way I felt. I mostly avoided this person and any chance of confrontation.

It got to a point where our lack of communication was affecting my daily life. I knew something had to change, but I could not, for the life of me, figure how this could be addressed without bringing out all the hurt and negative emotions I had been trying so hard to release.

I had been petitioning my Heavenly Father for help throughout the ordeal, and He had brought peace to my mind and soul time and time again, but in this instance I felt stuck.

As I lay in bed one night, the situation was bothering me enough that I could not find rest. I couldn’t fall asleep and my mind was reeling with possible ways to handle the situation – all of which would not end well and didn’t feel right. Again, I asked my Heavenly Father to help me know what I should do.

Immediately after, thoughts came to my mind that felt natural and as if they could be my own. A scenario played out in my mind’s eye with specific dialogue and feelings. It was an option I had not considered, but made the most sense. It wasn’t what I had originally desired, but it was clearly the right thing to do. I was amazed how much sense it all made, and I knew I would have to talk to my husband about it as soon as I could.

It wasn’t until the next morning, that I really realized that what had happened was inspiration from my Father in Heaven. The more I thought about what had been revealed to me, the more confident and peaceful I felt about approaching the situation, knowing I was doing what He would have me do under these circumstances.

I know Heavenly Father loves and listens to me, and when I desire to do His will, miracles occur. I know He loves that person as well and He is the only one who understands us both and knows what is best for a strained relationship. I am grateful I was able to receive that inspiration. I am grateful to know I can access such blessings again when I need them!


Alicia is a married, mother of two boys ages two and four years old and is expecting her third in May. She grew up on the island of Kaua’i where her parents still live after 22 years. She enjoys photography and meeting up with friends at the local Applebees for Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Shooters.

It Was the Right Time

As a child, I saw the missionaries many times. My mom always welcomed them into our home to teach us, but when they started talking about paying tithing my mom would back down and say, "this is not for us!"

Years passed, twelve years to be exact, until I decided to talk to the missionaries.

We didn't know the name of the church, so I looked for all the churches in the yellow pages. I read each one of them to my mom, until I came to "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" and bingo! my mom said it was that one. I couldn't wait for the next day to call, so I immediately called the office of the church, and they were very amazed that somebody would call the office of the church to ask for the missionaries to come to a home and teach.

The next day, the missionaries were knocking on our door. We started listening to them, and when they asked us to kneel down and pray to Heavenly Father, so we could receive an answer about The Church and the Book of Mormon, we did! However I didn't feel a thing, I was very confused. As I walked into my mother's room to ask her if she had received an answer, I saw her sitting on her bed crying, and she said to me "I'm getting baptized!" I was happy for her, but so scared because I wasn't sure.

The next Sunday, we went to church for my mother to have her interview, as I sat on the last bench, I prayed, but this time I prayed from the heart, wanting to receive an answer, and I did! I felt the most amazing feeling in my heart, it was a warm, good feeling, like I felt peace in my heart, and it was good.

We got baptized May 4th 2002 and my sister followed our steps a year later.

As I look back I now understand that the time of the Lord is perfect. Sometimes it is not our time to do something, maybe because we are not prepared. Many years ago, we were not prepared to take the big step of becoming members of The Church, maybe we weren't spiritually mature enough to understand what an important and life changing decision it is to get baptized.

I am so happy that we chose to be baptized, and to follow Him. Today I know that Jesus lives, I know that He is my savior, my big brother, and best friend. I know that Heavenly Father loves us so much, that He gave His only son so we could be here today. His timing is perfect, and it was the right time.

Fabi is a mother, a friend, a wife, a sister and a daughter. She married her best friend when she was 20, they’ve been married for seven years and counting. She’s currently getting her BA in early childhood education. She loves to craft, and share every little thing she learns. She has a strong testimony of The Church, and she  knows that Jesus lives and is her Savior.

Divorce, Abuse and the LDS Woman

*Republished  by request and with permission. Original publication found here.

Divorce for any woman is hard, for an LDS woman there can be a couple more complications. The teachings of the Lord can soften our hearts to endure. I understand there are many reasons and excuses for divorce in present times. I have been divorced which seems to attract women considering the same option. I’ve been asked, “what should I do?” many times. My constant answer is to work it out. Don’t get divorced if you can help it, it sucks. Usually I follow that advice with... “but what do I know, I got divorced!” lol. Truth is, divorce is awful. I am grateful that I have been able to overcome my divorce, but it was not easy. I fell away from the Lord. Without the strength of a worthy priesthood holder in their lives, my children suffered as well.

I am remarried now and happy ;-) but the trail that led to my safe place was thorny and ambushed with pain. I align with the counsel of the Lord through general authorities in present times that divorce should not be an option unless there is abuse or infidelity.

For women who are enduring abuse, have Faith that the Lord is by your side. Recognize your Divine Nature - you are his daughter. Let your Individual Worth guide your choices and enhance your thoughts. Gain Knowledge of your situation and your options - its your Choice to be happy. Take it and be Accountable - your choices affect you as well as your posterity. Fill your heart with Good Works - they will increase your self esteem and bring you happiness and blessings. Allow your Integrity to shine through- no daughter of Heavenly Father deserves to endure abuse - don’t allow it. Your Virtue will guide you to remember these values and abide by them. Your Heavenly Father is there for you. He will guide and protect you if you let him. I have a personal testimony of this. Love yourself - you are great!

When you decide to begin the healing process from abuse or divorce, remember to keep close to the Lord, “*healing comes through the unwavering love of Heavenly Father for each of His children.... the power of healing is inherent in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”

You will be tempted to “*undermine your self-confidence, destroy trust, create fear and generate feelings of despair” - don’t succumb. You have to believe you can resolve these, very real, but negative consequences. If you don’t, you will not recover. You will hear criticism, you will feel guilty, and you will hear gossip; absorb what you need and discard what you don't. Mature into thicker skin, it will help your journey.

The worst thing an abuse victim can do is feel sorry for themselves. Be brave; be strong, “fake it ‘til you make it” if you have to. If you really want to overcome abuse, you have to start believing you can overcome it and start working towards that goal. Don't waste time sulking. Trust me, you will regret it.

Make conscious efforts to build your worth. Assert your positive traits. Defend your significance with all your strength. It is part of the Lord’s plan that you understand the actions that are worthy of you as his daughter so that you can make choices that bring joy to your life. Not temporal enjoyment but true eternal happiness.
Inundate your thoughts with love, and forgiveness. Abuse can damage your ability to form healthy human relationships. “*Even when it may seem very difficult to pray, kneel and ask Heavenly Father to give you the capacity to trust Him and to feel His love for you.” Prayer in my darkest days was my brightest consolation. Never believe Satan’s lies that you are not worthy to pray. What earthly parent would deny their child a shoulder to cry on and not console them? So much more is His love that He will give you spiritual healing. Talk to Him with your heart. Pour out your thoughts and be honest. If you are mad tell Him. If you are sad tell Him. He is there, He will listen. Be humble, be childlike. You are His baby. I have learned this through my process.

This eternal truth was one that took me years to understand. Begin analyzing and pray that you may comprehend and accept this principle so that you may unravel diverted blame: “*It was Satan’s proposal that Father’s children be forced to obey, that there be no moral agency and therefore no personal growth. To preserve moral agency, the Lord does not restrain individuals from improper use of that agency. However, He will punish them for such acts unless there is full repentance. Through the Holy Ghost, He sends warning promptings to the abuser, but often that individual’s degrading appetite is so powerful that it blocks out that spiritual guidance. That is why our Father provided a way to heal the consequences of acts that, through force, misuse of authority, or fear of another, temporarily take away the agency of the abused.”

In the end, I remember talking to my good friend Irazema and listening and telling her, “Man this sucks, amiga. Don’t know what to say or how to fix it”. But as President Scott said, “…*there is no magic solution, no simple balm to provide healing, nor is there an easy path to the complete remedy. The cure requires profound faith in Jesus Christ and in His infinite capacity to heal. It is rooted in an understanding of doctrine and a resolute determination to follow it. (Richard G. Scott, To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse, April 2008)”

Time heals all things. The Lord knows this and in his plan to help us attain exaltation, patience is a key virtue. Stay strong. When you fall, because you will trip, dust off and get back on track. Keep your head up. Things will be alright.

Some practical, every day things that help:
Clinging to the counsel of the Lord
Prayer
Scripture Reading
If you have children, commit to being a great mother, search out ways to do this
Rediscover your family
Love your mom and dad
Serve Others
Good Support System
Counseling
Assertions
Goal Planning
Keeping busy
Stayin in holy places
Reading self help books
Writing in a journal (it is empowering to go back an read entries that help you gauge your progress.)

A book I loved:
"Surviving Domestic Violence" by Elaine Weiss

*Quotes by Richard G. Scott, To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse, April 2008

 
Flor has 3 children under the age of five, is 26 and just embarked on her second marriage. She loves her heritage, wants to go to Law School and own a business. She wants to share her story of overcoming abuse, domestic violence and staying strong. Visit her blog at http://FlorecitaGrowingUp.Com

Stranded

When I was a child, we were driving to meet my dad at a campsite with chili for the scouts. We got lost and it started snowing. We had all the girls in our cold van. It was a cargo van with little heat. It snowed more and more until we got stuck and could not push ourselves out. It was just too slick. My mom told us that we needed to pray. We were on a deserted side-road in the middle of nowhere and we didn’t know where we could go to find any civilization. After we prayed, we waited. After about 10 minutes, a truck pulled up and a man told us that he felt he needed to drive that way. He pulled us out of the snow and directed us back to the main road. It was amazing to witness my mother's faith that night.



Michelle is the mother of 6 amazing children. She was raised a member of The Church. She has a wonderful husband. She believes in prayer and in miracles.

My Wedding Ring

One time, I lost my wedding ring. I went to put it on one morning, and it was just gone! I had never lost it before because I always put it away when I didn't have it on. I always took it off at night and kept it in its box.
I asked my kids where it was. They were saying it was lost down the bathtub drain, and they were quite sure. I was so scared that I would have to tell my husband it was gone forever so we kept searching. Mind you, this was no pleasant search for the children. I was ranting and raving because I was so nervous. We were searching frantically, but the kids and I couldn’t find it.
At one point, I was so upset and was in the middle of swinging my hand down to spank my daughter when I strongly felt this wasn't the right thing to do, so I stopped and said, “We are going to pray.”
We knelt down, and I asked my daughter to say the prayer. After the prayer, my daughter was inspired to walk down the hall to her room and there she found the ring on her night stand. It was in plain sight! It turns out that she was truly inspired and guided by her faith, not mine. I felt so blessed that we resorted to prayer instead of spanking.



Michelle is the mother of 6 amazing children. She was raised a member of The Church. She has a wonderful husband. She believes in prayer and in miracles.

He Answered My Plea for Help

After two nights of croup, my 3 year old was exhausted. Very late on the third night he could hardly catch his breath and I was an exhausted mess. I had tried steaming up the bathroom and bundling him up and taking him into the cold, winter night air, but nothing seemed to be helping. I was running out of options and energy. That was it, even though we didn’t have a penny to spare, we would have to take him into the ER. I couldn’t stand another moment watching my baby suffer. My husband bundled my helpless 3 year-old into his car seat and I left instructions for my brother in laws to listen for our sleeping 2 year old.
The ride to the hospital couldn’t be more than 7 or 8 minutes but it felt so much longer with my mind racing. How were we going to pay for this? Even with insurance, I knew it would cost us more than I wanted to think about. Were we doing the right thing? Was I overreacting?
As the gasping beside me slightly subsided I wondered if the fit has passed, and if I really was overreacting. But remembering the past few nights and the look of terror in his eyes as he couldn’t catch his breath made me eyes fill with tears. At the very least, I had to know what was wrong and make sure I was doing everything I possibly could for him.
We were almost to the ER and honestly, I didn’t feel good about it. But what else could we do? No Urgent Cares were open and I felt like I had exhausted all of our other resources. This was the most logical thing to do. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
By now his breathing was almost back to normal, but I knew it was only a matter of time until his coughing would overwhelm him again.
Venting my thoughts to my husband, he patiently listened to me asking questions here and there, but it became apparent he was letting me make the final decision.
I told him to head for home.
Again, my mind started racing and I began doubting myself all over again… I honestly didn’t know what to do.
“Pull over,” I told him. “We need to pray. I don’t know what to do.”
We did. It was a simple, pleading prayer to know the right thing to do for our son.
As soon as we finished, I had a peaceful feeling come over me with the words spoken to my mind, “He will be okay.”
I asked my husband what his impression was and he told me, “I think he will be okay.”
I was overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude to receive such a straight forward answer. I said a silent prayer of thanks, as we went home.
My son had little fits here and there, but that was the last night of croup. He was okay.
How grateful I am that Heavenly Father is there to help me raise my children! I know I cannot do it alone. How grateful I am that He knows all and understands so much more than I do! I am grateful for that experience because it solidified my testimony that Heavenly Father is there for me in all aspects, including parenting. It increased my own understanding of the love Heavenly Father has for each of us, and He will answer our prayers, even immediately, when we need him.

Alicia is a married, mother of two boys ages two and four years old and is expecting her third in May. She grew up on the island of Kaua’i where her parents still live after 22 years. She enjoys photography and meeting up with friends at the local Applebees for Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Shooters.