The Need to Work When Your Heart Says 'Home'

image source

Working. Mom. The two are just about synonymous to me. Show me a mom that doesn’t work and I’ll show you how I can glow in the dark. Now if you’re meaning a woman who is a mom AND an employee at the same time, we can talk. I’ve recently entered that realm, myself.

My entire life my plan was to be a stay-at-home mom. Sure I would dream of being a veterinarian, a disc jockey or a storm chaser for a while – but I knew my career would be motherhood, and it was never a question. The path wasn’t smooth, but I made it; a divorce, second marriage, two miscarriages, and nearly two and a half years of trying to conceive and I finally become a mother just a few short weeks before my 26^th birthday (I always figured I’d be about on my third kid by that age). So really, I shouldn’t have been surprised when I found myself needing to go back to work full-time, right?

Wrong.

Dead wrong.

If you had told me two or three months ago that I would soon be working full-time, I would have told you to take a hike. I would have told you I would live under a bridge before leaving my baby. I would have told you I would never do it – no way, no how! And I would have been wrong.

My husband lost his job at the beginning of February, and a month later with no leads I was calling up my good friend, Mike, who is also a recruiting manager for my previous employer. I left on good terms with the company, having gone on maternity leave and then discontinuing my employment to stay home with my baby (forever, I’d hoped). Mike told me there was a part-time job available from 8:00 pm to 12:00 am and I could have it if I wanted. Luke and I spoke about it and decided it would be a good move: a little extra money coming in and very little time away from Porter. I decided that it would be really tough, but I could do it.

I transitioned easily back to the company. In a way it felt like leaving my regular home to spend some time at my second home. I could do this. I desperately missed putting Porter to bed at night, but I could manage. I still had the whole day with him.

A few weeks later, I started feeling like it would be prudent for our family to have benefits, as our medical coverage from Luke’s former employer ran out at the end of February, and we went through March on prayers that no one would get sick. I then embarked on a hesitant journey of exploring the option of working full-time. I couldn’t believe I was considering it. I second-guessed myself constantly. Were the benefits and extra pay worth the time away from my child? Was I being selfish in wanting that little bit of security for my family?

I considered a graveyard position, working 2:00 am to 10:00 am, thinking somehow I could be Superwoman and work full-time in the middle of the night and then come home and be an effective mother. After a lot of thought, prayer, and scratching out Pros vs. Cons lists, I realized Zombie Mom was not what my son needed.

Our bishop came by our house one evening to let Luke borrow his Bobcat to move some gravel. Bishop and I chatted on the front porch and I had told him of the graveyard shift I was considering. He told me (with the disclaimer that he was advising me not as a church leader, but just his personal opinion) that if he were in my place, he would try to find a normal day job with normal day hours and find a babysitter for Porter. At first, I was shocked – haven’t we been counseled that mothers are primarily responsible for the care and nurturing of their children? How could I be the primary caretaker if I was gone all day, five days a week? My heart hurt and mind raced, but what he said next made sense. He told me that my most important relationship was with my husband. If I was working odd hours, we would essentially become ships that pass in the night, and ships aren’t known for their excellent marriages. Bishop told me that if I could have a good relationship with my husband, things would be okay; if my relationship with him deteriorated, the rest of our family would follow.

I got back in touch with Mike, but of course by this point all of the normal, daytime positions were filled. Slightly exasperated, I said, “Mike! They just need to create an assistant position for you and then you need to interview me for it!” With a smile he replied, “Funny you should say that…”

As it turned out, he had just received approval that day from his boss to create a part-time position that would assist him in his hiring responsibilities. Of course I thought this was great, but I expressed to him that the main reason I was considering transferring from my night shift to a daytime position with the company was to have benefits for my family. The next day, he came back and let me know he could offer it to me full-time, after all.

I still didn’t jump at it. I had wanted to work with Mike just about from the time I first started with the company in the fall of 2008. It was more money per hour and the company had excellent benefits – but could I leave my child? Was I pursuing something out of self-interest? Was I looking for a way to escape the everyday mundane tasks of being a stay-at-home mom? Was I looking for a distraction from the stress at home related to job loss and financial upset? Would Porter hate me forever for leaving him? Would God hate me forever for leaving my son?

I accepted the offer, but still felt slightly unsure. I put up two pictures of Porter at my desk and set a photo of him as the wallpaper on the brand new shiny laptop the company gave me. I left my heart at home each morning when I walked out the door.

It has only been a month, but I am grateful I don’t question myself anymore. I am grateful for the most incredible, sensitive boss I could ever hope to be blessed with. I am grateful for the flexibility this full-time position has offered me. Need to work from home for a few hours because I can’t find a sitter for Porter? No problem. Need to take a few hours off because I need some Mommy time with my best little bud? Take it.

I am also grateful that the Lord prepared me for this difficult decision – one, He knew I would have been too dead set against even a couple of months ago to consider. He helped me transition to a part-time job, and then helped me transition from there to what I had always considered the unthinkable: being a full-time employee and mother.

The key for me has been to realize that I am not the first woman to have to leave her child or children to go to work; nor will I be the last. My own grandmother became a widow when she was 28 years old and was left to raise three young children on her own. Life is hard, and the sooner I get over being offended by that, the more effective I can be. I am a woman. I am a daughter of God who loves and provides for me. I can do this. I can do anything.

It’s hard. Every day it is hard and I am exhausted. This change came at the right time, though. I have just finished nursing Porter for good, so I did not have to give anything up abruptly. I get to put him to bed again at night. I have a few precious hours in the evenings to enjoy his eight-tooth grin and laugh when he speaks his own version of “please” and “thank you”. I know these small things are tender mercies. I still leave my heart at home every day, but my mind is so occupied with my rewarding, busy job that I am left with little time to think of where I’m not. When I am home, though, my time there is very sweet. And best of all, I know my little boy still loves me.



 
Adrienne is the stepmom of 10 year old Austin, the regular mom of 1 year old Porter, and the BFF of Lucas since 2005. She is from Virginia but is currently enjoying life in Provo, Utah. She loves writing, singing, playing video games and making others laugh.

I’ll Forever Be Grateful I “Hearkened”

Since the birth of my baby I would nurse her at night in bed. One night last week I had fallen asleep while feeding her and was in a deep sleep. I was dreaming and remember smelling the sweetest smell I have ever known.  And in a split second that sweet smell was changed to a burning smell. Almost as if someone was holding smelling salts to my nose. It abruptly woke me out of my sleep and I noticed I was smothering my baby and her arm was under me so she couldn't move. I panicked and picked her up and started moving her around to make sure she was breathing. She moved and awoke. Then I knew she was okay. I burst into tears with the guilt of what I could have done within just minutes or even seconds. I know without a doubt it was the Holy Ghost working his wonders to wake me to protect my infant.
I was so shaken I went to the living room to rock my baby and I just sobbed.

While sitting there I said a thankful pray in my heart to my Heavenly Father for the Holy Ghost and the wondrous ways He works. As I sat there, I remembered the talk I had just listened to during General Conference that previous Sunday by Dieter F. Uchtdorf. This quote stood out in my mind. "Let us learn to hearken to the promptings of the Spirit and then be eager to heed them."

It is estimated that an average of 64 babies under two years old die each year while sleeping with parents. Since that night I get out of bed to nurse my baby. Us busy mom's especially with more than one child do all we can to get sleep. But this experience taught me sleep is not worth the risk of my baby's life. I will always be thankful I was able to hearken and heed to the Spirit’s command.




Melissa is a mother of six, with only one son, ages 17 to 4 months old. She grew up in Roy UT and moved to Eagle Mountain when she married her sweet husband 4 years ago. She enjoys doing crafts of any kind and photography. She currently does not hold a calling in her ward but gives service any time she can.

Simple Promptings

Do you ever have those experiences? Those ones that make you pause and wonder how many promptings you really do receive during the day?  And how many you actually listen to? And how many you do listen to that you might never even realize that you were inspired?

Well, I’d like to share a special one that happened to me. A few years ago, when my first baby was about 5 months old, it was a regular ol’ Sunday and we were in a rush to get to early morning church. You know, 9 o’clock can be rough, right?

This particular day, my husband had to give a talk, and I had to participate in a musical number with the primary. We both wanted to be there a little early to feel prepared, so we were getting ready as fast as we could. At the church, I stopped in the primary room to practice my song, and my husband ran to sit on the stand before the meeting started. My song practice was over just as sacrament meeting was about to begin. I hurried into the chapel and suddenly realized that I had not arranged for someone to take care of my baby while I went up for the musical number. I supposed I could give him to my husband, who would be sitting on the stand, but I was worried about him being fussy.

I quickly spotted a young couple sitting on a side row. An empty bench was open in front of them, so I hurried and sat down. They did not have any children, and we were only acquaintances, but I felt like I could ask her to hold my baby.  I turned around and whispered of my favor to her just as the meeting started. She responded with, "I'd love to."

As the meeting progressed, I noticed that her husband's arm was around her and she was crying. I felt bad. She seemed to be sad. Maybe she wasn’t feeling well or maybe she was having a bad day. I wondered about my request and if it was appropriate, but I felt like everything would be okay.

The time for the musical number came and she reached out for my baby. She and her husband played and laughed with him throughout the song as he smiled up at them. I watched as I was singing. When I returned to my seat, they continued to hold him, cuddle him, and play until it was time for him to eat. She had a big smile on her face when she handed him back. 

I then went to the Mothers’ Lounge for the rest of Sacrament meeting, so I did not see her immediately afterwards to officially thank her for her help. Finally, after the block was over, I ran into her and was able to thank her for holding him during Sacrament meeting.

She told me, with tears brimming in her eyes, that she was very grateful that I had asked her. She said that she had been struggling with fertility issues for a couple of years and how she longed to be a Mother. She just started working with a fertility specialist, and without going into details, explained that they were now hopeful about getting pregnant. Things were going well, and all signs were pointing toward success with this last go-around. They were pretty sure that she had been able to become pregnant.

The doctor told her that if she was pregnant, that a pregnancy test this very morning would be able to tell her if she really was.  So she took the test before church, and sadly received a negative result that shattered their hopes. To make things worse, it was Mother’s Day. She said she was extremely emotional and almost did not come to church. She had a strong feeling though, that something would happen to let her know that God loved her and was mindful of her sorrow.

She then told me that holding my baby was exactly what she needed and was the comfort that the Lord provided to her. How grateful she was that I had asked her for that simple favor. It filled her heart with love and peace and she knew that the Lord would provide a child when the time was right. We both hugged and cried. I was amazed and grateful that something so simple was actually a prompting.  It was such a neat experience and such a tender mercy for the both of us to realize how much the Lord loves us and is mindful of us. I’m grateful for a loving Father in Heaven and for His trust in me that day.  I’m so grateful for the power of the Holy Ghost. I was so humbled at what I learned from this sweet sister and her faith in receiving an answer and her faith in God's love. I felt like I too, was blessed from this experience.



Natalie is a wife of a handsome farmer, a mother to two adorable boys, and expecting another baby in September. She is passionate about the roles of women and is currently living her dream job as a Doula - www.doulanataliesue.yolasite.com. In her spare time, she attends births (humans, cows, and cats), teaches dance in her small town, and loves to sing.

Tender Mercies of the Lord

This past summer I went through a very difficult time.  I was pregnant with our second child, and I waited until I was 12 weeks along to start telling my friends.  Every woman in my family has had at least one miscarriage, and I wanted to wait until I was “safe”.

Well, I started telling my friends on a Saturday morning, and on Sunday I started bleeding.  My first check-up was scheduled for that Monday, and there wasn’t anything they could do for me until I had my ultrasound.  I still remember the complete silence during the ultrasound, as the nurse checked for signs of a thriving life growing in my womb, and found none.  I was shocked, devastated, and overwhelmed. 

To make matters even more complicated, my husband had left two weeks earlier for a summer job half-away across the country.  I was supposed to leave that week on a road trip to meet him at his new job and then attend his sister’s wedding a few days later. 

That week was probably the most difficult of my life.  I was in and out of doctors offices for 3 or 4 days.  After a day in the hospital, I started a cross-country road trip with my mother and my two-year-old son.  Every day something went wrong.  One day I took my medicines on an empty stomach and ended up so sick that we were delayed 3 hours just waiting for me to get better.  One day I lost my wallet in the middle of Iowa.  One day my mother and I both had bad headaches and we had to stop driving early.  Every day was a roller-coaster of emotions and a serious test of my faith.

What I remember about that week more than anything else, though, is the series of miracles that got me through.  The first miracle came while I was scheduling my doctor’s appointment.  When I had called to schedule my appointment weeks earlier, the only person I knew at the entire hospital just “happened” to be answering the phones, which was not her usual job.  She was able to schedule me for my registration appointment and my ultrasound on the same day, only because she was my friend and she knew I was leaving town right after that.  Without the ultrasound, I could have been bleeding for days or weeks, and I could have had some pretty serious complications. 

The next miracle was that my mother flew into town at the very time I needed her.  My husband was out of town, I was an emotional wreck, and without my mother to watch my son and comfort me, I would have been completely broken.  I run a home day care and I’m very used to taking care of other people.  This time, I needed someone to take care of me, and Heavenly Father sent my mother.

Another miracle was all the generous love and support I found in my ward family during those few days.  A great many people came to my aid, and I will always remember their kindness to me.  Most importantly, they helped me make an important decision to have a simple surgery done that I wasn’t sure I needed.  A week later, while I was half-way across the country, the doctors office called to tell me that I had tested positive for abnormal cells, and if I hadn’t had the surgery, there was a chance that those cells would have grown into a tumor.

Yet another miracle came when I lost my wallet during my road trip.  We stopped at a restaurant for dinner, and we were on the phone trying to make arrangements to get me to my sister-in-laws wedding.  When I needed to look at my license, I realized my entire wallet was missing.  What a devastating moment!  I starting crying, told my husband that there just wasn’t any way I was going to make it to the wedding, and hung up the phone.  And yet, after a quick and heartfelt prayer, I remembered exactly where I had left my wallet.  And even though I had left it in a library which was closed for the weekend, someone had taken my wallet to the local police station.  Heavenly Father had preserved my wallet for me, had made sure that nothing bad had happened to it, and prepared a way for me to retrieve it and continue on my journey.

These are some of the most memorable moments of the week, although there are many more.  When I look back on it, I am filled with gratitude to my Father in Heaven.  I join with the prophet Nephi in sharing my testimony that “the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance”(1 Nephi 1: 20).  The Lord delivered me from disease, from guilt, from depression, and from many other things that week.  I know that I am a daughter of God, who loves me, and I love Him.

Jenni has a wonderful almost 3-year-old who keeps her very busy.  She runs a small home day care.  She loves to cook, read, sing, and learn new things.  Her husband is almost done with graduate school, and they are excited for new adventures in their future.