You Know Better Than I- Part 1

Note: This is a 3 part story. Part 2 will be published tomorrow, and the final part of the story will be here on Friday!

Most people who have never been through the adoption process don’t understand how truly emotional and faith testing the process is…even before getting chosen. To find out you cannot have children, or have any more children, is gut wrenching. There is that long period of time when you wonder if your Heavenly Father truly loves you. How could you not be blessed with such a righteous desire?

Even after you are chosen by a birth mom, it is still a very bumpy and challenging road (I am telling this from my point of view as a potential adoptive parent…of course, there are many other heartaches involved as a birth parent). If it’s a few months away you have to wonder everyday if she will change her mind or pick someone else. You wonder if you should get the nursery ready and tell your other kids (if you have them). There is no security until that little baby is placed in your arms and the papers are signed. This is our story, which we featured on an adoption site, about how we dealt with the loss of a baby….the dreaded “Failed Placement”.

We were 2 years into the adoption process when we received our first email from our profile. Yes, the first. Many couples have at least a few before they are seriously considered or chosen. We were thrilled, and so nervous at the same time. What do we write back? What if we sound like total geeks? Could this possibly be the miracle we’ve been praying for? We had a hard time with that email, but we eventually wrote back, and after another couple of emails and a phone chat, the potential birth mom had set up a day to meet us.

When we met N for the first time, I knew her. I mean, I had never met her before, but when she walked up and sat down on the bench outside Olive Garden, I knew it was her. I could only see her face…I couldn’t tell she was pregnant (she was a very tiny girl anyways so she wasn’t really showing at 27 weeks). But in that instant, I knew it was going to be a good first meeting. We had our two boys with us, which I was kind of leery about at first, but N told us that she wanted to meet them and so we brought them and just said we were meeting a friend for dinner. I can say that there were some awkward pauses during the dinner, but overall it went really great. We learned so much about her and her life. We talked for a long time, I think the waiters probably wanted us to leave. She was the sweetest girl. I don’t know how she felt about us when we first sat down, if she was just meeting with us or if she had already made up her mind, but when she asked the boys, “do you want a baby sister or a baby brother?” I knew that she had already made up her mind. Both boys, of course, announced “baby sister”.

N went out to her car and brought back a build-a-bear box. She then had us open the box, which had a bear dressed in a pink skirt, and said “you’re going to have a daughter!” She then told the boys as she put her hands on her belly “This baby is all yours!” Shawn and I (and Blake and Cole) were more than ecstatic! Tears came to my eyes almost instantly and I hugged her. I had always felt like the baby that was waiting to come to our family was a girl.

Come back tomorrow for Part 2... 

Alicia has been married for 10 years (in August) to her high school sweetheart. They have 2 amazing little boys and have been in the adoption process for about 4 years, hoping that Heavenly Father will bless them with a little one soon. In her free time she loves to create; photography, art, woodworking...you name it and she'll try it at least once.